Inside Kermit’s Lair

Respect the C*&K

Respect the C*&K

Dear readers; the following post contains language and content that may be offensive to some. Really offensive. Like a lot of it…

Yesterday was a supremely weird day. It began with my cat waking me at 7:00 am by biting the end of my nose as hard as he could. Later in the morning he peed all over me while I tried to fit him in his kitty cage to visit the vet. Then it cost me $300 to find out that he’s old, and that there’s something wrong with him. Finding out what is wrong will be more expensive, I fear.

Upon returning home I discovered the John Goodman equivalent in the raccoon world passed out cold on my patio. I fled my home at that point to enjoy brunch with the ever-lovely Lenni. She gave me a huge spoonful of chocolate mousse shortly after greeting me (a high point) and then we went for a beautiful stroll in search of nosh. The only place without an epic lineup for brunch was the Diplomatico, and though the patio and sunshine were grand, my French toast was burnt, and my sausages tasted like metal. Thank god the company was good.

College Street adventures concluded, I headed to the park where I enjoyed another stroll and a catch-up with my friend Marty. I went home from there (John Goodman still there, still unconscious) intending to nap before my evening plans, but instead ended up over-sleeping thus arriving late to meet my friend Carlos. We enjoyed a fantastic play at Harbourfront Centre (AfterImage – amazing!), and then I experienced the glory of the UFC for the first time, on pay-per-view in a sports bar. (This was a barter, or compromise of sorts. I want to be the girl who applies Vaseline to the fighters’ faces just before they step into the ring. Seriously.)

This blog entry is not about any of those things, however. What I would like to focus on is what happened between the over-sleeping and the evening’s entertainment.

First, it’s important to mention that I’m thinking (once again) of taking a dating break. My heart just isn’t in it (again). I feel so much more at ease and comfortable hanging out with friends. I spent a lot of time this weekend reflecting on this decision, and really feeling grateful for the quality “me time” I’ve been enjoying. I should note too that I’ve met some lovely members of the opposite sex. Really beautiful people, but I’m just not there right now…

Cue Pavel.

I’m rushing to Harbourfront Centre. I’m at Spadina station, plugged into my iPod, and generally obvlivious to anything but the streetcar that’s pulling in as I’m at the top of the stairs. Suddenly, someone grabs my arm. I stop in my tracks, whip my ear buds out of my head with my free hand and am face-to-face with a dude who looks about 45, is Eastern European, and is wearing a yellow shirt, a sports jacket, and a matching yellow pocket square. Still holding my arm he says: “You are one of the most elegant women I have ever seen in my life. I just couldn’t take my eyes off you. Please, take my card, and tell me when you might like to have coffee with me.”

As I look from him to the card, he releases my arm, and vanishes into the crowd.

The card is white. The front says:

Pavel

Pavelthelover@gmail.com

The back says:

When your man does not measure up

Member of TorontoRealMen.com

Certified Honors Graduate of Dimitri’s The Lovers Sexual Guru Program

I began to laugh. I assumed he was an actor, from a troupe performing Kamakaze improv. Then I vaguely remembered hearing about Dimitri the Lover. I couldn’t remember why…

I was impressed at his boldness, I will say that. He was well dressed, and seemed polite enough. I didn’t find him attractive, but he sparked my curiosity. Does this approach work? What are these affiliations? Who are these hilarious actors and what is the project they are promoting?

Tonight, home from rehearsal, I had some time to do some research.

First I visited “Toronto Real Men.”
http://www.torontorealmen.com

The Real Men website led me to this documentary:

Which led me to the Dimitri The Lover website:
http://dimitrithelover.com/

Which led me to these articles:
http://torontoist.com/2008/06/remember_dimitri_the_lover.php
http://www.eyeweekly.com/city/features/article/22843

And then, to this legendary moment, which I had heard before, but had no idea it was part of our rich Toronto history:

I could use the remaining space in this blog entry to tell you what I think about all of this, but frankly, I’m more curious to know what you, my dear readers have to say on this one.

I’ll be nailed into…

holed up in…

firmly ensconced…

nestled deep inside…

Enjoying my quiet alone time in the Fortress of Solitude, Pavel. You and your coffee can suck it.

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29 Comments

  1. The Vicar
    April 19, 2009 / 11:56 pm

    I am shocked at how you can resist such charms!

    Seriously, I laughed and laughed, and then I laughed until my belly hurt!

    I wonder if the ‘Seduction Community” needs a chaplain?

  2. Stephanie
    April 20, 2009 / 12:23 am

    Unfuckingbelievable!!! What a total coincidence! “Dimitri The Lover” and I have been lovers for the last few weeks. Here is the inside scoop and Dimitri has told me since the time we met:

    1. The voicemails are totally staged and part of viral marketing for Dimitri’s upcoming Hollywood movie. Supposedly the producers for Borat are doing his film.

    2. The “Toronto Real Men” competes with this Kermit guy for desperate men looking to learn about seduction. He actually asked me if I would come to the next meeting as a “case study” so the guys could interview me.

    3. The documentary above was supposed to be a film project for some students at the Toronto Film School, but Dimitri was so entertaining, they decided to release it to the general public.

    4. I met Dimitri in Kensington Market after he used lines similar to Pavel. He is by far the BEST lover I have ever had (and I’ve had many). He looks really sexy in real life. The persona Dimitri puts forth is just for publicity. He’s actually quite sweet, attentive, and a great psychotherapist (I needed one). And I had my first threesome with him and a really hot, fun girl he brought along.

    5. This Pavel is kinda interesting. He had not been laid in like 6 years then started attending Toronto Real Men meetings about a year ago and now gets laid at least a couple of times a month. This guy actually paid $600 to take Dimitri’s “Sexual Guru” course where he teaches men how to give women oral and proper pelvic thrust technique.

    Anyway, I hope that fills in some of the blanks. Dimitri’s like a total rock star. I still can’t believe I came across this article and my only lover is the main subject of it. I’m calling my sister.

    • Schnoo
      April 20, 2009 / 9:07 am

      This is awesome. Thanks for posting this.
      I am really curious to know why you think sleeping with your therapist is a good idea? No judgment from me, just wondering how that plays out in a positive way for you…

  3. April 20, 2009 / 1:01 am

    Hahahahahaha. I just discovered Dimitri on blogto.com a few weeks back and did all the same research. Hilarious.

  4. April 20, 2009 / 9:19 am

    I’m so, so sorry.
    Dimitri has tried to hit on me a couple of times now… last time, I think I threatened to strangle him with his own tongue.

    Thank you for this. 🙂

  5. James
    April 20, 2009 / 9:36 am

    The feeling I get here is (like every other Greek man i’ve ever met) is that women are whores to be utilized for a man’s pleasure and ego.

    This is a throw back to animal behaviour, not human behaviour.

    • Schnoo
      April 20, 2009 / 11:42 am

      You are GREEK??? All this time I thought you were Hispanic. This changes EVERYTHING.

      Also, this comment reads like you think women are whores, etc. Was that your intent?

  6. Mark Schoenberg
    April 20, 2009 / 10:34 am

    About your hiatus from dating. I recently concluded that when a needle from one haystack searches for a needle from another haystack, the odds are wildly stacked in favor of the haystack. Needles find each other via cosmic magnetism. Sometimes. Sometimes not. One way or the other, there’s not much you can do. Shrug, enjoy and carry on with no expectations. Check your inbox now and again for a Needlegram.

  7. Deborah M.
    April 20, 2009 / 11:12 am

    Up until now all I knew of “Dimitri The Lover” was the sensationalistic trash being published by gossipy blogs. But after viewing almost 10 minutes of him ranting in the documentary, I have new found respect for the man. Not only is he hilarious, but strikes me as quite intelligent and sensual. Specifically, differentiating between being submissive and submitting to your lover’s needs is quite astute.

    I did a bit more research and found the following interesting links by women who were seduced by him:

    http://hollabackto.blogspot.com/2009/01/dumped-by-dimitri.html

    http://hollabackto.blogspot.com/2009/01/more-dirt-on-dimitri.html

    Being a feminist I am disappointed that women would use Dimitri’s persuasiveness as an excuse for being pressured into doing things they do not want to. I am a strong woman and want my man to be stronger than me. I want to be led by the hand at times. I think these college girls are a little naive.

    • Schnoo
      April 20, 2009 / 11:43 am

      Thanks so much Deborah.

  8. Mark Schoenberg
    April 20, 2009 / 11:24 am

    In “Magnolia”,(Paul Thomas Anderson -1999) Tom Cruise played Frank TJ Mackey – a Guru who did the Dmitri deal, big time in Los Angeles. So this isn’t a new phenomenon. What it is – is depersonalization at its most insidious – a refuge for desperate people who can’t engage on the basis of value, persona, genuine attraction, karma, energy . . .I don’t have to go on. Etc. Women who fall for the party line are as desperate and unhinged as the men who perpetrate this horror. Hello 2010.

    • Deborah M.
      April 20, 2009 / 2:34 pm

      Mark, I have a feeling after reading Stephanie’s “Insider’s Report” above that Dimitri is being borderline satirical in mimicking TJ Mackey’s misogynistic, bombastic persona. Even perusing those two links I found, there is nothing predatory or exploitative there. His Toronto Real Men meeting announcement is definitely meant to be outrageous for publicity.

      I mean, he says of vegans …

      “Dimitri The Lover suspects it is the lack of meat in their diets that make these veggie-munching vixens so passionately crave cock and desperately desire to be pounded like a piece of schnitzel”

      and of college girls …

      “Due to feminist agenda-driven media-inspired social conditioning, most men feel like sexual predators approaching horny, dripping-wet college girls, age 16-25. Feminists discourage this natural evolutionary courtship behaviour because they want to stifle competition from REAL MEN while they themselves attempt to seduce these highly impressionable, budding flowers of sexuality, and subsequently indoctrinate them into a life of bitter, environmental lesbianism.”

      This guy is a comedian … and a damn funny one!

  9. Mark Schoenberg
    April 20, 2009 / 3:17 pm

    I’m willing to accept Dimitri’s intelligence and his penchant for satire, Deborah. But perhaps it’s a cloak for his real intent. To get laid, loudly and often – and to demean women in the process. I don’t think you can be a legit psychotherapist and carry on this way. Maybe it’s just me. . .but the duality is irreconcilable. Give up one or the other. And. You shouldn’t have to work soooo hard to connect with women. Or men. And it shouldn’t be a desperate, manipulative game in any case – for fun or not. Losers last resort. On the whole, I’d rather be dead in Philadelphia. Apologies to W.C. for adding the extra word.

    • Deborah M.
      April 20, 2009 / 4:07 pm

      Mark, I’ve got a strong suspicion based on his charm, looks, and intelligence, that Dimitri doesn’t have to “work soooo hard to connect with women”. Rather, it appears that he has to “work soooo hard to connect with” men in order to covince them to attend his classes. Keeping up the public persona must take a lot of work. It is just viral marketing and negative publicity being harnessed with great expertise. Even the narrator of the documentary said that “Out of all the pick-up artists that I met, Dimitri was probably the most honest; maybe a little too honest.” I don’t see desperation here. Rather, I see a man that is straightforward with women and takes pride in his sexual acumen, specifically providing oral. You mention a “manipulative game”. Hmmm. How different is “seduction” from “manipulation” really? Isn’t it the role of the man to speak sweet words and the role of the woman to delude herself of their veracity? And I guess we only have Stephanie’s word for how good a psychotherapist Dimitri really is. The more I read through Dimitri’s writings and rants on his web site, the more intriuged I am at the potential value of a dual psychotherapist/lover like him. Perhaps one’s head is most clear of racing thoughts and therefore most likely to repond to psychotherapuetic intervention after a grand orgasm! I know that the only window of opportunity I have to sort out my frazzled thoughts (and do my taxes) is after achieving such a physiological release.

  10. Mark Schoenberg
    April 20, 2009 / 5:00 pm

    I have nothing against a great orgasm or breathtaking seduction. It’s not so much Dimitri himself, Deborah. It’s the legion of dupes who perpetrate this pathetic idiocy on women. And, by the way, on themselves

    I also object to reducing sexuality to formulaic nonsense. I can’t imagine myself sitting with a wonderful woman in a bar, trying to work on step 6. And I can’t imagine a wonderful woman wanting to sit with anyone who’d do such a thing. I can only speak for myself here. I’m way past the age of game playing – but I have a long, some would say enviable, (others would say despicable) history of success with a stunning array of women. Not Wilt Chamberlain territory, but still substantial. Who’s counting, right?

    But I have never – NEVER – been in this for only the sex. It was always the woman. The whole woman – always seeking the illusive, (I use that word because it may, after all, be an illusion), perfect partner. It often turned out to be search and destroy – and for that I’m eternally sorry, but there was a certain kind of ass backward honesty in the approach – and what I KNOW about women and about seduction, a lot, actually, is that for me, it is human and soulful and genuine and filled with feeling. And it’s mutual! I don’t want to put anything over on anybody. I give more than I get. It is not superficial. It is not a gambit or a formula. And it’s not funny.

    It’s true that many people are inept. Hopeless in how they relate to the opposite sex – and desperate for success. Well good for Dimitri. If he chooses to demean and objectify women-turn them into dehumanized sperm receptacles – then I will happily continue to loathe him.

  11. Deborah M.
    April 20, 2009 / 5:09 pm

    “dehumanized sperm receptacles”. lol. That brough back memories. My greatest lover used to refer to me as his “dirty little cumdumpster”. I liked it. A lot.

  12. Schnoo
    April 20, 2009 / 6:20 pm

    Holy moley. You guys have been seriously busy. This is fascinating to watch unfold. Any more? From anyone else?

  13. Stephanie
    April 20, 2009 / 6:33 pm

    Well, I guess I’m the only one here that is qualified to speak on most of these matters because I’ve actually slept with “Dimitri The Therapist”. I would have to agree with Deborah: lovemaking sessions interspersed with periods of baring my soul to him seemed to work far better than any formal counseling I received in the past. Dimitri actually has a program he calls “Awaken The Slut Within” for women that are sexually repressed, which is described in his web site. In my case, my “inner slut” yearned to be with a woman, but I could never take the next step. Dimitri fixed that with one phone call followed by a 30 minute filthy conversation with me while we waited for her to arrive. BTW, am I the only one that got sexually aroused with “dirty little cumdumpster”?

  14. April 20, 2009 / 6:46 pm

    Although I realize I’m playing into the Dimitri marketing machine here, I think it’s necessary that everyone looks at this: http://www.blogto.com/tno/2008/04/dimitri_the_lover_models_the_real_man/

    Read the article, then read the comments from people like “Tracey” and “Karen”, and I think you’ll start to see the similarities to Stephanie… and Deborah… and countless other made-up names on dozens of Toronto blogs that have featured stories on Dimitri.

    It’s clear (to me, anyway) that all of these people are in fact Dimitri himself. Sleaziest marketing campaign ever. And quite honestly, I don’t think he’s writing the posts to attract more women with his claims of being a great lover. I think he’s doing it to get more people to pony up $$$ to come to his meetings. It’s also obvious to me that the man has serious mental problems.

    More fun here, including a mention of Pavel in one of the first comments: http://www.blogto.com/tno/2009/03/dimitri_the_lover_exposes_himself/

  15. April 20, 2009 / 7:26 pm

    I’ve decided to post a response to this before reading all the other responses.

    The ‘seduction’ community is one I’m quite familiar with, and just this past weekend I picked up Neil Strauss’ ‘The Game’ for a second read (this is the third of his books I’ve read, second I’ve owned). I am 130 pages in for the second time, and again it is leaving me with the same set of conflicting emotions every time I set it down.

    The seduction community is a strange one, and I get the impression that its truly just a bunch of nerds collecting ‘points’ for success with women. The conflict in all of this, of course, is that so much of what they teach works.

    The first time I took a look into their world was about 8 years ago when I was helping to publish an online mens magazine. I created the assignment to interview a pick-up artist named R. Don Steele, who self-published many of his own books and apparently became quite successful at it. He sent me transcripts of his teachings, video tapes of his seminars, and a couple of his books. The only one of his books that I actually ended up opening was called ‘How to Date Young Women for Men over 35’. He himself suggested I just read the start of it, the few chapters on body language and how to read it, stating that the rest of it didn’t apply to me.

    Well read it I did, and frankly it changed my life.

    I was young, and while having a lot going for myself, I was very uncomfortable with, and very bad at approaching women. I re-read the chapters on body language over and over again until they were ingrained in my head. What I came to discover is that it helped ALL aspects of my life, not just meeting women. I also felt that I was learning something many people may have had pre-installed as instinct, and I felt it fair to put myself on their level.

    The body language lessons from R Don Steele turned out to be the only real ‘lesson’ I took form the pickup community until I picked up The Game. I am not embarrassed to have read any of this stuff, its quite fascinating and i would recommend to as many women as I would men. I remember several years ago reading a chapter from The Game that mentioned a routine you could run on women involving the Maury Povich show (look it up) and I went out to a bar later that night and out of curiosity I tried it out. I got six phone numbers from women in an hour. It was absurd, and it blew my mind, but I never called any of them.

    See the problem I have with seduction artists is that I simply can’t help but see them as whiny, weak people. I don’t see anything wrong with most of what they do, but I also feel as though they are certainly backing themselves into a corner where a life filled with emptiness and devoid of any true feeling of love awaits them. Strauss’ book ends on a note with him escaping this trap, but I suspect he is one of the few intelligent enough to pull himself out before it is too late.

    I certainly have no respect for any man who is physically or mentally abusive towards a woman, or considers that an acceptable way to win or keep a woman’s favor. Far too many of these seduction artists (as they call themselves) rely on playing on a womans fears and past hurt, rather than appealing to her fantasies and broadening her minds scope.

    Artists they are not however, rather they are complex and deeply troubled mathematicians who believe that love is a formula riddled with absolutes. True love, of course, is nothing like that, it is as unpredictable as anything we know, and it is meant to be explored and reasoned with, not charted pre-determined.

    Guys, do you want to meet a woman? TRY NOT LYING TO HER. Do you want to bend her over a bathroom sink, tear her panties off and fuck her like she’s charging by the hour? Try telling her that, you’d be surprised what you hear in return.

    But if all you want is pussy and notches in your belt, go ahead and enter the seduction community, and remember you were warned.

  16. James
    April 20, 2009 / 10:05 pm

    Stephanie…please, please, please, please do not confuse Dimitri’s listening skills for psychotherapy.

    Psychotherapy is an extremely labour-intensive discipline. It takes years and years and years to study it and become licenced. In addition, the training psychotherapist has to be psychoanalyzed himself/herself. Only after all of that could he/she be licenced.

    Then…then, he/she must (MUST) spend years and years and years communicating with you to even scratch the surface of what you might be dealing with.

    Dimitri maybe a self-proclaimed sex therapist. He may have good listening skills (though, to be honest, I’ve met him, he likes talking, not listening), he might make you feel better superficially, but he IS NOT a psychotherapist!!!!

    A psychotherapist does NOT sleep with his either formal or (perhaps in your case) informal patients.

    Please, please, please, know this distinction!!!

    If you have to praise him, call him an uncredited, self-taught, sex therapist w/ extremely questionable practises. Nothing more!

  17. William
    April 20, 2009 / 10:05 pm

    Generalizing women is awesome!

  18. James
    April 20, 2009 / 10:19 pm

    P.s. just because you dig being called a ‘cum dumpster’ does not make you sexually liberated! Just because you’ve finally had that threesome you’ve always wanted, does not make you a liberated, non-repressed, woman….

    (seriously, if you dig being called a ‘cum dumpster’ that makes you pedestrian, uninspiring, and primitive, not liberated.)

    Introduce him to your mother, Stephanie…watch how that social situation unfolds. If he’s up to his old tricks, big D is really gonna blow your mind–his real self will show.

    If you need emotional help, walk away now. Dimitri is a narcissist (and in all likeihood has OCD and/or a hyperactive disorder, his mother was probably an unemotional and inattentive woman and he’s no doubt extremely disturbed by that and therefore sees women as ‘objects’ not individuals), he is not capable of helping you! He is only capable of serving himself.

    Please trust me! His goal is not to make you liberated, it’s to prove to himself that he can control another human being. The goal isn’t about you. It’s about him.

    If, on the other hand, all you wanna do is get laid, then all the more power to you. You’re an animal, nothing more.

    Good luck.

    J.

    • Stephanie
      April 20, 2009 / 10:59 pm

      James, lighten up. Like the crutch of religion, the crutch of Dimitri makes a lot of women happy (lol). It may not be based on “years of psychotherapy training” … but it is real and feels awesome! I don’t remember the last time I felt more alive, in control, and oblivious to the negativity of the friends, family, and co-workers around me.

      Now, I found something you wrote very intriguing:

      “Introduce him to your mother … If he’s up to his old tricks, big D is really gonna blow your mind–his real self will show.”

      It is as if you know Dimitri personally and witnessed such a scenario unfold in the past. It would explain the extreme animosity you possess toward the man. Did he steal away your girlfriend? Break the heart of a close friend? Rub up against your grandma? Masturbate on your couch?

      Please do tell James.

  19. Greyhound
    April 20, 2009 / 10:27 pm

    This stuff about lovers is very stimulating, but what interests me is your fat raccoon. I lived in T-dot for many years and had several run-ins with these bandits, including a broom-beating session with a specimen the size of a small pony. My attentions bothered hin not in the least – I like to think it was the same fiend which you met.

  20. Schnoo
    April 22, 2009 / 9:36 am

    Well, if we’re going to talk about my “fat raccoon” in a public forum, so be it. I just ignored the feller and let him sleep it off. In the morning he was gone.

    Or were you suggesting a broom-beating session with Pavel? Because that would have been funny!

  21. Shawn
    April 22, 2009 / 4:45 pm

    After reading Mark’s last post I did a bit more digging and found this blurb on the College of Physicians and Surgeons web site:

    “During a professional visit to the first female complainant, Dr. Sears made comments to the effect that he would like to get to know her better, that sex was fun and that he would call her later about getting together for a drink. He also pulled her to him and kissed her on the neck. The second complainant was visited in her home and, following a clinical evaluation, was asked about her sex life, present commitments and past involvements with married men. Dr. Sears then discussed his unsatisfactory sexual relationship with his wife and asked the patient to date him or to become involved in a sexual relationship with him. She declined both requests. Upon leaving, he hugged and kissed her and suggested that she should reconsider her decision.”

    I don’t agree that doctors should be doing that sort of thing, but it seems relatively minor compared to the way those links make Dimitri sound. And the Toronto Sun article says that he appealed and was subsequently acquitted of all charges.

    I would have to agree with Deborah M. that it just sounds like sensationalistic blog trash. I tried to click on the video link on the CTV article but it appears to be disabled.

    Personally, I would still attend one of his meetings out of sheer morbid curiosity.