Primary Partnership

This wild summer of magic continues with its twists and turns. It’s a balance, my wanting to share my life with you, and yet recognizing the need to protect the privacy of the people I love and care for. To protect the container of relationship we are creating.

It turns out, I underestimated the person I’ve been seeing. He keeps surprising me. We were thrown together in an entirely random way, and for the first month that I knew him, I didn’t even realize he was considering anything beyond a platonic connection. I was attracted, absolutely, but his quiet reserve and his unassuming ease made me arrive at other conclusions. Then he threw down the gauntlet, just before my birthday.

While I wholly delighted in the power of our physical connection,  I’d assumed he wasn’t considering this a place to invest more deeply than a casual friendship. He’s wise beyond his years, and so deeply self-aware, I should have known better. We’ve had conversations about intentions, and we’re both aligned in wanting to acknowledge the beauty of this, while still defining our relationship to suit our unique personalities.

I explained to him the notion of primary partnership. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this term, it’s used in the realm of polyamory to describe a relationship that is a container for co-creation and deep security. This is a generalization, of course, and partners obviously have the freedom to define these terms on their own. Typically, however, the primary relationship is just that – number one, and from there, any terms of engagement with other people are created.

It was a small revelation to me to recognize that I needed some context, and a label or two, to deepen my sense of security. I was so impressed that he was able to articulate this before even I could. I think he sensed my need to speak my intentions and create some shape around this. I love how intuitive he is.

So, we are now testing the waters of primary partnership. My heart wants to sit in this and feel what it’s like to have spoken these intentions aloud to each other. I want to see how we show up for each other, and what our needs in partnership look like, now that we have acknowledged that this is something deeper than friendship.

I want to learn what we’d both like to co-create with this primary partnership, how much each of us is willing to tend to this, and how exactly we fit into each other’s lives. I want to feel how it feels to be exploring consensual non-monogamy from this deeply grounded, autonomous space.

Each of us has important people who are impacted to some extent by who we choose to partner with. I want to incubate and observe this unfolding connection before I share it with my precious ones.

I guess this is new for me; this sharing of what I feel and what I’d like, being met in a way that keeps surprising me, and then sitting with the discovery for a full lunar cycle before deciding how it feels.

With each moon, this is unfolding, with a strange and certain precision. I can chart the entire course from the moment we first made contact in May, until the present, with each full moon. I had no idea this was the case until I started writing this.

I wonder if it’s the divine at work? Perhaps it’s because I’m living according to my human design now. Whenever I look to the cards on the topic of our relationship, I pull the Fool. Every single time.

So, I continue along this path, now with my hand in his, and my heart and soul wide open.

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