Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex

It’s Freaky Friday over here at Playboy Mommy HQ, and today I want to reach out and ask you for a great, big favor. I want you to send me a note and tell me what kind of sexy subjects you want to read about. I have my own ideas about what makes for good sex education, but I’m always happy to be inspired, so please send me your suggestions, or better yet, send me a note with a specific issue or question and I’ll respond either in a blog post just for you or with a video reply on my coming soon YouTube Channel. Your anonymity is guaranteed, so don’t be shy. You can drop me a line here and I’ll let you know when I’m going to post a reply, or tackle the subject you’ve suggested.

In other freaky news, the reception for my soon-to-be-published sex manual has been overwhelming. It’s a sex guide for guys in relationships, in case you haven’t heard. For those of you who read it and got back to me so quickly, I’m so grateful. For you who are still reading, I can’t wait to hear back. I’m up to my ears in formatting research and self-publishing tips, and I can’t wait to get this book out there. I’m really proud of how it’s turned out.

Internet Gems

Remember Macy Gray? Well, she’s back, and I have a few ideas of what she’s been up to while not in the limelight. Witness this catchy tune, with animation that is disturbingly similar to that of the popular game Dumb Ways to Die.

I love me some Amy Schumer, and of course she’s making the talk show rounds to promote her film ‘Trainwreck’, which I’ve not yet seen. : (

Check out this great moment on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon:

That’s it for now lovers, I hope you have a sexy weekend!

xo

PB Mommy

More Sexy Role Play

Photo by Richard Northwood

Photo by Richard Northwood

It seems like sexy role play scripts are a huge hit with my readers! Your enthusiasm has inspired me, so here’s another scenario for you to try out at home. When introducing role-play, it’s important to have a trusting relationship with your partner, so you are both free to really experience the characters you are creating, and to really explore the scenario at hand. I always recommend a SAFE WORD. This is a totally neutral word, a word that has nothing to do with sex, that both partners can recognize as a pause button. The safe word can be used at any point, and you can resume play when the issue that led to the safe word has been resolved. The following role-play script can be adapted to suit any sexual preference or combination of players. 

I Was Your Teacher

The teacher/ student scenario is a classic that you can breathe new life into each and every time. The sheer volume of trashy school girl costumes available on the Internet indicate that this is a very popular role-play theme, so how can you bring this one to life in the comfort of your own home?

Costumes:

STUDENT
Female: plaid skirt or kilt, knee socks, white button-down shirt, a neck tie in coordinating colours, a coordinating cardigan, simple Mary Jane style shoes, fresh and clean under things like a white cotton bra and panty set, book bag, consider glasses, bubble gum

Male: twill pants in a dark colour, collared shirt or button down in white, tie, dark shoes, white boxer briefs

TEACHER

Male: button-down shirt (plaid perhaps), corduroy sport jacket with elbow patches, trousers, tie, glasses

Female: pencil skirt, button-down shirt or blouse, stockings, pumps, lacy lingerie, string of pearls, glasses

HAIR AND MAKEUP

STUDENT

japanesegirl sexy-school-girl

 

Female: neat and clean if your student is relatively “innocent” – pig tails or a crisp pony tail, fresh, natural makeup, subtle lip gloss or go over-the-top if your student is a “bad girl” – heavy eyeliner, dark lipstick, over-styled hair

Male: decide if your student is a good boy or a bad boy – clean cut and clean-shaven for good boy, messy/styled hair and stubble for bad boy

TEACHER

Female: subtle makeup and red lips, elegant perfume, nicely manicured hands, hair in an up-do that can easily be let down

Male: some stubble or facial hair, consider Old Spice cologne

VISUAL AIDS/INSPIRATION:

Makeup Tutorial:
STUDENT
Thank you Miss Jessica Harlow for being so darn cute, and for furnishing us with this lovely fresh, clean makeup look:

TEACHER
I love that when I search for “Sexy Librarian Makeup Tutorial” on YouTube I can actually find such a thing! EnCore is just too cute, and his extensive tutorial will satisfy you makeup junkies:

 

SETTING THE SCENE:

sexy-teacher-sensual-desire-1280x800

How have teacher and student ended up alone together? Is your student the only student in detention that day? Did the student stay after class to clean the black board brushes? Find a space in your home that you can easily transform into an imaginary classroom. Some great possibilities include an office with a desk, or a dining room with a large table. With a little imagination, these rooms can become the teacher’s office or the school library.

Decide who is going to seduce whom before creating this scenario. Teacher/student role-play is hot no matter who initiates, and the power play can go back and forth. Regardless of who is taking the lead, decide that this is the first sexual encounter between these two characters. This will guarantee maximum sexual tension.

Some Suggestions:

Consider how each of your characters feels about the scenario. Is your student happy or annoyed to be in class/ at school after hours? Does your teacher feel annoyed at having to stay with a student, or are they eager for the opportunity?

The student can play oblivious to the teacher’s advances at first, forcing the teacher to be truly brazen in their seduction. This works well too if the teacher feigns ignorance in the face of the student’s come-on.

If you are the female student, consider sitting at your ‘desk’ with your knees apart just far enough to let your teacher catch a glimpse up your skirt, and act as though you have no idea you’re flashing teach (or act like you know exactly what you’re doing if it suits your character).

As teacher, if this is a detention scenario, think of some clever punishments for your naughty student. Perhaps they have to dust and polish your desk while you’re sitting at it. Maybe they will have to shine your shoes, or spend some time on their knees filing some papers for you. You might be an old school disciplinarian and decide to hand out some corporal punishment by way of a sound spanking. See the props list below for some more inspiration.

The student may have some embarrassing/compromising contraband in their school bag that their teacher discovers and makes them use either solo or together for both to enjoy.

OTHER TIPS:

*Remember to use your safe word if anything becomes uncomfortable about this role-play scenario

*Neckties make great bondage gear

*A shiny apple could make a great ball gag substitute

*Compliment each other as you enjoy how hot you are together. Be dirty with the compliments. We all love to hear these things, believe me.

PROPS:

Wooden rulers
Apple
Black board, chalk, eraser
Desk
Office chair
School bag
Mini vibrator
Lube
Small flask or soda bottle filled with alcohol

I’d love to hear your feedback! Send me an email or share in comments below. If you have a variation of this scenario that you can recommend, please share it with us.

Send me some suggestions for fantasies that you would like to have scripted!

Enjoy the fantasy. You deserve it.

Reclaiming Mojo

mojo

There are days when I still feel like this, which in my experience, was NOT sexy.

I wasn’t going to be one of those women. You know, the ones who let their bodies go after baby, and give up on sex. Guess what? I’m still about fifteen pounds more than I’d like to be and my baby is ten months old and sex…well…let’s just say it’s a good thing there are two mamas in our house!

Don’t misunderstand, fitness and sex are still very important to me, but it seems like there’s always something that takes priority over both. Things like sleeping, and showering, and the ever-growing mountain of laundry, and writing! Once I hit that point in the evening that should be reserved for grown up things like pumping iron or pumping you-know-what I am too tired to contemplate either.

A wise woman pointed out that because I’m still breastfeeding my ten-month-old son I have a constant supply of oxytocin, so I might feel a little less compelled to get it on. I thought this made sense until I realized that I’m still craving chocolate all of the time.

I’ve deduced that I’m in a rut. This rut is fueled by some huge life changes including a baby and a big move; it’s fueled by that extra fifteen pounds that feels defeating and impossible to conquer; and it’s fueled by my total and complete lack of exercise – the classic catch 22. It’s my job to help people feel sexy, so imagine the conundrum I face in not feeling very sexy myself! I’m sharing this in the hope that it might encourage some of you to be gentle with yourselves. I, for one, am fed up with feeling guilty and sad about not feeling very sexy. I’m also done with feeling dumpy, frumpy and exhausted all of the time, so I’m going to make a promise to myself to reclaim my physical fitness and my mojo. Here are some tips for any of you who are in the same rut, with or without babies in the mix.

1. Know that it’s going to take work to make your sex life happen. You can’t just stumble in from a night on the town and go at each other with wild abandon – at least, not with the frequency you once used to. Decide how frequently you’d like to have sex each week, and commit to trying to hit that goal.

2. Go through the motions. If you’re on the fence about whether or not you feel like having sex (I’m not talking about consent, I’m talking about contexts in which you might rather opt for sleep, please don’t send me angry comments.) lean towards ‘yes’. Usually once you get the ball rolling, you’ll be happy that you did. If you start trying to get it on, and it’s not feeling right, both partners have total permission to abandon ship without penalty.

3. Take time to take care of yourself. A cocktail of hormones and a lapse in physical fitness might be making you feel less-than-sexy. You will be a much better partner, and parent, if you make time to pamper and take care of you. Women in particular are often used to putting their needs last. Let’s just quit it with that kind of ridiculous thinking, ‘k?

4. Don’t rush it. That six to eight weeks after childbirth is ONLY A RECOMMENDATION! Some of you might feel ready before then, and your particular chemical make up will make you a horny banshee. Some of you will still feel like you pooped out a flaming brick well past that milestone. If you can’t imagine having sexy times without cringing, or barfing a little in your mouth, it’s best you wait. If you’re really missing that contact, there are other things you can enjoy besides penetration. If you don’t have any ideas, email me. I’m happy to suggest some.

5. Ask for help. Try a trusted baby sitter for a few hours and enjoy some alone time. Grandparents might be very useful here, so might additional life partners (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). Rent a cheap hotel, go out for dinner, stay at home, it doesn’t matter as long as the focus is on you and your partner.

6. If you’re co-sleeping with your baby (like I am), be creative. Sex doesn’t only have to happen in bed.

7. Get your partner on board. Make sure they know you want to focus on your relationship. Get them to help with the kids, especially during the latter half of the day. Make sure bedtime is efficient, and then take advantage of your time alone. Be prepared for hiccups and try to be good-natured about interruptions from little ones. They didn’t ask to be here to interrupt our sexy times, did they?

8. Remember how we decided how often a week to have sex? Well, I suggest you reserve how ever many nights for couples time. Don’t do extra chores, don’t prepare extra meals, don’t call you mother. Focus on your partner and your relationship.

9. Turn off the TV, screen, or other distractions. Use your alone time wisely. Have a bath together, enjoy some massage, take up Tantra. Choose activities that promote physical closeness and sexuality rather than brain-sucking activities like screen time or god-forbid, chores.

10. It’s like riding a bike. Your sex life will come back, and possibly be even better than before. You know things now that you didn’t know before. Hopefully the rigors of childbirth have made you a little less self-conscious about your body. It may take some time to get back on track, but post-baby sex is just like riding a bike (on a very bumpy, hilly, sometimes ridiculous to navigate course).

You deserve to be as happy and healthy as can be to enjoy your family!

A Polyamory Primer

I’ve had Poly on my mind a lot lately. She’s in the news more often, and it seems like there are droves of people out there who like her way of thinking.

Polyamory is defined as the practice of having many, or several loves. Sounds nice, doesn’t it? More details can be found on the Wiki for those of you with a thirst for knowledge. Here’s my favourite quote from the Wiki page:

“In practice, polyamorous relationships are highly varied and individualized according to those participating. For many, such relationships are ideally built upon values of trust, loyalty, the negotiationof boundaries, and compersion, as well as overcoming jealousy, possessiveness, and the rejection of restrictive cultural standards.”

Polyamory is the umbrella under which anyone who extends their loving relationships beyond one partner falls. The various ways in which polyamory manifests are as differing and multi-layered as the unique individuals governing these hearts and bodies.

Sometimes poly people have multiple casual partners. Sometimes they have one relationship that they identify as their ‘primary’ relationship and one or more additional lovers who they keep company with. Sometimes polyamory applies to more than two people living in equitable conjugal partnership.

Poly people are everywhere, working beside you, living in your neighbourhood, and raising families. You probably don’t know about them, because until very recently, on our strange and wonderful North American continent, Polyamory was technically illegal.

Both Canadian and US laws stated that it is unlawful for more than two people to live together in a conjugal relationship. This archaic law is rarely enforced, except in the odd case of religious communities where underage marriage in polygamous communities becomes an issue. I personally find it stunning that the law can still dictate who you can sleep with and when among consenting adults. I also find it infuriating that our culture is wildly accepting of the lies, deceit, and family-crushing betrayals that many of the monogamists practice in trying to love one person “till death do they part”.

Polygamy laws were challenged in Canadian courts in 2011, and the Canadian polyamory community believed this case had real implications for poly people. The judge ruled that Polygamy law had no bearing on poly units, and that it was no longer unlawful to cohabitate with more than one conjugal partner. As I understand it, nobody is challenging the right to marital status yet – allowing more than two people to marry would really shake up marital and property law as it exists – but polyamorists believe that the law should not govern how they conduct their conjugal affairs.

Polyamory requires a serious commitment to the exploration of self, to total transparent honesty, to striving to communicate expertly with your partners, to really understanding and articulating what your boundaries are, and to respecting and understanding the boundaries of the people you are loving. Trust is absolutely the cornerstone of any polyamorous relationship – trust in yourself to be honest and open, trust in your partners to be the same. Challenging convention also takes strength, courage, and a real belief in the lifestyle you are embracing.

The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt continues to be the foremost guide to understanding polyamory. I would highly recommend it to anyone new to or considering the poly way. It’s light-hearted and straight-shooting and I’ve read my copy dozens of times over the years. There’s a link to the Amazon page for this book below, and I think it’s interesting to note that the latest edition is number two-thousand and something in sales!

Famous sex educator Tristan Taromino has also written an excellent guide to multiple-partner relationships. See links below to her book ‘Opening Up’.

I’ve also found some great Poly resources on the web:

Polyamorous Percolations is a great blog dedicated to Polyamory in the news

The Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association is an online resource for understanding current law surrounding polyamory in Canada, and how Canadians are challenging those laws.

Modern Poly is a great resource for news, information, and fascinating personal stories by other poly people and families.

Polyamory? is an amusing and informative site dedicated to Poly FAQs.

Polyamory – Married and Dating is the compelling reality series from Showtime, now in it’s second season. Visit the site to watch episodes online.

There are also a host of warm, touching, hilarious, and practical personal blogs written by poly people who are just trying to live life in the most authentic way that they can. Today I discovered both a web-TV series about the poly lifestyle called “Family” and the very amusing blog of one of the series’ creators Matt Bullen.

As our world continues to change, as our homelands begin to really awaken to the idea of equality transcending sexual orientation I believe more and more people will come forward to share their stories and really help to shape the face of polyamory. The images of hedonistic key parties will hopefully be replaced with images of vibrant, well-rounded families that are an extension of bygone days where we lived in large, loving, supportive communities raising children and taking on life’s journey.

Meanwhile, I invite you to share your thoughts, ideas, and stories. I’d love to hear from you!

Playboy Mommy Recommends:

Sexy Role Play Scenarios Made Easy

From the Motor City series by Kyle Andrew

From the Motor City series by Kyle Andrew

Okay dear readers. When I re-launched my blog, I promised an amalgamation of all of my various writing personas. Here’s my all time most popular post from where I was writing sex advice. This particular post has had 12,283 views! Written in the spirit of adding some playfulness and spice to the bedroom, I thought of it while watching that hilarious episode of Modern Family where Clair and Phil go to a hotel bar and pretend they’re meeting for the first time. It’s a very detailed post complete with hair and makeup video tutorials and where to buy some of the props and products suggested. Enjoy!

There’s nothing quite so awesome as dress-up. Slipping into another person’s skin with your lover and acting out your fantasies is an incredible way to enjoy your sexual relationship. Most of the time, the things you need to build a really detailed scenario are already at home, or easily attainable with little expense. When introducing role-play, it’s important to have a trusting relationship with your partner, so you are both free to really experience the characters you are creating, and to really explore the scenario at hand. I always recommend a SAFE WORD. This is a totally neutral word, a word that has nothing to do with sex, that both partners can recognize as a pause button. The safe word is used at any point, and you can resume play when the issue that led to the safe word is resolved. The following role-play script is from a male/female perspective, but can be adapted to suit any sexual preference or combination of players.

The High-Priced Escort and the Client

Costumes

ESCORT:
* the sexiest shoes you own
* stockings, knee socks, thigh highs, or stocking-style fishnets
* a garter belt, if required
* super trashy panties (they should be something you’d either be thrilled or slightly embarrassed to be caught in if you got into an accident and had to be whisked away by the paramedics – um, the emergency room scenario should NOT apply to this role-playing game)
* a sexy bra
* a ridiculously short dress or skirt
* a cropped jacket or sexy coat
* a sexy top, if you want to bother with that, or if it makes you feel more confident
* a slightly trashy or over-the-top purse or bag filled with supplies and goodies
* bling – huge earrings, gold chains, body jewelry, toe rings
* fake tattoos
Note: The more detail, the better. Think about who this escort is. Is she smart and polished? Is she trashy and street-smart? Does she have a signature move, like a silk scarf she wears tied around her neck to use for bondage play later? Will she only meet clients wearing four-inch hoops? Does her supply kit contain a fresh pair of underwear that will ‘accidentally’ spill out on the table in front of the client?

THE CLIENT:
* Comfortable, at-home attire (if this is a house call)
* alternatives can include business attire (for a hotel location), club wear or upscale casual if you’re meeting at a bar or lounge, very casual if you’re going to pick up your escort/hooker on the street corner.

HAIR AND MAKEUP – ESCORT:
* Hair should be tastefully over-the-top – style it with large Velcro rollers for big, loose curls, or iron it straight and tease it slightly at the crown
* A pony tail, side pony tail, or pigtails can make great handles
* Very few men can resist a good smoky eye finished with full, glossy lips. Think high, high shine. I love MAC Lip gloss for dress-up. They are really sticky and have real staying power when put to the test. For a truly trashy look, line your lips first with a pencil several shades darker than the gloss. This is often all that is left behind, and for some reason this look makes guys mental.
* Self-tanner like Bare Escentuals Faux Tan is awesome for that fake-tan look. Don’t forget bronzer for your face too!
* Splurge and get a mani/pedi if there is time. Air-brushed French manicure and pedicure are classic

VISUAL AIDS/INSPIRATION:
Makeup Tutorial:

The commentary alone is sexy here.
Note that when she is talking numbers, she’s referring to makeup brush sizes.
Hair Tutorial:

This gal is so, so cute and she has a great on-camera personality. Here is part two:

SETTING THE SCENE:
The escort/client scenario offers lots of possibilities for play. I’d recommend trying this one for the first time somewhere relatively private, where you’ll be most comfortable. If you can play at home, uninhibited by the reminders of your “real life”, then this is a great place to start. Otherwise, the privacy of a cheap motel is awesome.
The escort should arrive on the scene to meet the client. This means if you’re at home, you may have to stage this either by getting ready elsewhere, or by texting each other to avoid ruining the surprise. The idea is to stay out of sight until you arrive at the appointment. Trust me, the anticipation and impact of that first glimpse of you properly tarted-up will do half the work for you.
Take your time getting ready, ladies. You may find that the process of getting made up and dressed up for sex is highly arousing. This scene can even be a total surprise, so long as you have a good cover for why you need an hour plus for prep. Text your man when you are at the ten-minutes-to-show-time mark, so he knows to either hide while you leave the house, or to be ready for your arrival.

Some Suggestions:
If he knows about the scenario that is going to transpire, or he knows that you’re up to something and you’re meeting in public:
TEXT: “Hi [insert name]. It’s [insert ridiculous call-girl name] from the Agency. I’m about ten minutes away and wanted to give you the head’s up.”
Instant hard-on.

If your visit is an at-home surprise:
TEXT: “Hey there. Please hang out in the [insert room in house away from the main entrance]. I’ve got a surprise, and you’ll know what to do next when I’m all ready.”
Instant confusion, and perhaps some panic, until he sees you. Then, instant hard-on.

If the client knows about the scenario, he can prepare drinks, music, and anything else he might like (cameras, towels, toys, movies, etc.). If he doesn’t, try to think ahead and include all of this stuff in your kit.

The kit should be a fully-loaded arsenal of anything or everything you might use to play out the scenario. The sky’s the limit here, really. I would advise that you only use toys that you’re comfortable and experienced with, since you’re supposed to be a pro. This scenario should play out as smoothly as possible, so trying new things in this context isn’t recommended.

When you and your kit are ready to go, slip out of the house (if you’re at home) or head to the meeting place. If you’re meeting on the street or in public, text to make sure that your client is there before you are, to make sure you’re as safe as possible.

THE ARRIVAL:
Be very gracious to your client upon meeting him. Give him your sexiest smile, delicately shake his hand, and introduce yourself with your ridiculous new name. Remember that you are working, that your job is to entirely please your client, and that you’re really great at your job.

Your client may be very sweet. He may offer you a drink, or a snack. Only take these things if offered, and make sure to take whatever is offered to you. (Assuming your partner knows about any pre-existing food allergies, etc.) The only thing that you should request is water if you’re thirsty.

Answer his questions as vaguely and sexily as you can. Don’t offer any personal details, or ask him any personal questions. If you are playing at home, and notice any family photos, do not comment on them. A pro would never make her client reflect on his wife and children. (What kind of naughty, naughty person would have a prostitute in their family home? These are the moments when role-play makes me want to giggle.)

Once you’ve established the introductions, let the games begin, taking the client’s lead. You may decide to settle up payment first, you may decide that the date is on his account (hahaha!) or you may decide to skip this part and just begin to show him your kit. Let him instruct you and remember your only goal is customer satisfaction.

Expect to perform a strip tease and/or a lap dance (you may want to practice this first because yikes!) to remove your clothes. If you aren’t asked to do this, but are comfortable initiating a strip show, then by all means, go ahead you naughty little muffin! Let the client remove his own clothes as he decides that he wants to. DO NOT remove your shoes or your stockings or any jewelry at any point, unless he tells you to.

Enjoy the ride. Both parties should try to remain in character, unless the safe word is used. When you’re ready to end the scenario, you can tag out and then enjoy each other’s descriptions of the experience. As you grow more comfortable with this particular scenario, move the location elsewhere. Costuming may have to be slightly modified for public appearance, but a new locale can pack a powerful punch for both players.

OTHER TIPS:
*If you are asked to strip or dance, take your time. Enjoy the tease.

*Clients, you may want to start out on your best behavior, but as you grow more comfortable in the scene, try to really take on the role of someone who has paid for sex, whatever this means to you. Trust that your partner will give you cues, and will use your safe word if she’s uncomfortable.

*Remove a typical, intimate act from the repertoire – like kissing on the mouth. I know, it’s so “Pretty Woman” but if it’s something you’re both used to, the tease of it being off the table will be so delicious. If your client is good to you, maybe you’ll even bend your own rule.

*Dirty talk and porn star sound effects are absolutely perfect in this scenario. The sky’s the limit here. Challenge yourself to not feel shy or self-conscious.

*Compliment each other as you enjoy how hot you are together. Be dirty with the compliments. We all love to hear these things, believe me.

*Escorts, if you bring a vibe, or if you want to orgasm, don’t try until you ask the client if that’s what they want. If they don’t want it, don’t do it. Wait to get off when the scenario has ended.

*Practice makes perfect. This scenario is so delicious, and open to so many variables. Re-visit it as often as you like. Even go so far as to set up an email address to “schedule appointments”. Really explore your relationship, and the joy of sex that is strictly about getting each other off.

I’d love to hear your feedback! Send me an email or share in comments below. If you have a variation of this scenario that you can recommend, please share it with us.

Enjoy the fantasy. You deserve it, and I hope it makes for a delicious weekend!