Denial

I’m not convinced it was supposed to go down like this. When we met, I felt like I was pulled into his orbit by a force that was bigger than both of us. I had to find out what that feeling was all about. This was back before I learned what it means to rest in the feminine and let things come to me. Still, once I’d set it in motion, he seemed just as intrigued as I was. As we began to create space together, it felt like home. He said all the right things. I was fascinated by…

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My Name, In Lights

I shouldn’t have agreed to go. To the couples’ therapy session we’d waited a month for, I mean. A month that felt like years. A month I couldn’t make it through because I was so exhausted of trying to bridge the gaping chasm that grew so wide between us. But I agreed, even after I said I couldn’t remain in the relationship. Have you ever had to set a boundary like this with someone you loved deeply? It’s one of the hardest things.  He’d never asked for anything like this. I was surprised when he did. I realize now I was…

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Pandemic Fall

This is exactly how a Sunday morning should feel; I’m sitting in bed in the warm glow of the bedside lamp, and the rain is pattering outside. The screen of my laptop is reflecting the Gingko tree in the backyard, and she feels like she’s watching over me. My little cat Luna is curled up on the bed, licking raindrops off her coat, and I’m here, talking to you as we approach our first pandemic fall. I tried again. And again. The space between him and I grew wider and wider. Not for him, somehow, which I don’t think I’ll…

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Another Post About Heartache

You may be inclined to think this is a cry for help. It’s not. I wrote it so you know you’re not alone in this madness. How’s your pandemic going? Mine’s a disaster. In the good old days (February), I was living in a one-bedroom apartment with two cats, my partner, and my seven-year-old son. It was beyond small, but we made it work, and mostly it felt cozy. We were dealing with what I thought was normal relationship stress. Things like learning how to communicate effectively, moving through conflict with empathy, and prioritizing the relationship amidst our busy lives.…

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The Crow Herald

It’s been just over a week since I asked him to leave. At the new moon last Tuesday, I committed to transparency. To look at the last year, our year, and identify patterns. To search for the lessons in old journal entries, poems, blog posts and to uncover the truth that I must realize in order to move forward. I have lived so much of my life in fear, and that fear has informed so many of my reactions. Now, we are collectively gripped by fear, fanned daily by the media and the ever-changing reality we find ourselves in. I…

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