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If Animals Were Messengers

I moved all of my possessions out of my home on Saturday. A home I never wanted to leave. A home that all of the members of my former family remain in. I moved all of my possessions out of my home, into storage at my aunt’s house. Because I have no home to move those boxes to. This is a scenario that would never unfold in a traditional marriage. The courts would decide who would leave, or who would stay if either spouse wished to remain in the family home. My cousin and my brother helped me schlep a… View Post

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The Process

Thanks for your patience. I’ve been wading through this complicated new reality, not always keeping my head up, and not always feeling like I wanted to share.  The grieving process is like that sometimes. The other morning I woke up at 8:00 am, took my canine companion for a walk in the rain, still wearing my pjs, unloaded boxes from the trunk of my car, fried some bacon, scrambled some eggs in the bacon fat, made coffee, sat down at the table near the window overlooking the garden and I felt good. A few nights ago, I cooked dinner for… View Post

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A Letter to Present Me from Future Me

Dear Catherine, (I’m sorry, I just can’t call you Cat. It’s absurd.) You don’t think you’ll make it through this, but you will. You’re right about one thing, however. You won’t be the same. Nobody is ever the same after grief like this. It’s okay though. Remember how the other grief you experienced made you really learn to appreciate the fragile beauty of life? This will make you appreciate the fragile beauty of holding someone else’s heart. Most importantly, it will help you appreciate the fragile beauty of becoming the keeper of your own heart. All of those things you’re… View Post

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A Handful of Things

A handful of things happened this week. What an inane statement. Things happen every week obviously, but somehow, this week felt personal. Kate Spade committed suicide, I had two heart-wrenching appointments that illuminated just how far my life has moved from the happy, oblivious place it once was. Then on the same day Doug Ford was elected premiere of Ontario, Anthony Bourdain was found dead, also by suicide. This still isn’t rock-bottom yet, but we’re getting closer. I remember a time (circa Robin Williams) when I would hear a story of suicide, and my response would be a trite ‘I… View Post

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Morgan’s Point

The women in my family know heartbreak like the words to a favourite song. It seems to be written in our DNA, part of the marrow of our bones. So too is the ability to breathe in the beauty of each fragile moment. We are nature lovers who seek solace in our gardens, artists who make music, textile art, paintings and words. We love deeply, we fail spectacularly. We are caretakers and hard workers who make cozy, welcoming homes in any circumstance. We delight in family, and food, and gatherings. We raise babies, and we survive. In this new life,… View Post