A Year Ago

Do you remember who you were a year ago? I was frustrated. Impatient. I felt like I could see all of my dreams like puzzle pieces, but like a dream, I couldn’t get any of the pieces to fit together. Deep in my gut, I knew how fully I loved, but on the surface a lot of it wasn’t making sense. I kept forcing the pieces together because I wanted the big picture. Now, I am the big picture. The whole thing from start to finish. I’ve lost lovers, friends, co-dependent connections, homes. I’ve moved three times in a year.…

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Acceptance

As I’m building my journal therapy practice, a big part of this work has been articulating how I came into reflective writing. With the help of my new marketing goddess, something has really struck me; my whole life has been about creating a safe container for story: My personal story, the stories of the characters I inhabited, the stories of my performers, the stories of our audience, the stories of my imagination, the stories of the authors I work with, and now I’m creating a safe container for the stories of my clients. I’ve accomplished this with a fair measure…

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Depression

People keep asking me if I’m okay. It’s a yes and no answer because ultimately, I know I will emerge intact, and I can literally feel my resilience at work, but holy mother this is a painful period of my life. And I’m so very tired all the time. I don’t think I’m depressed, at least not by the big Pharma definition of the term, but I know this is the time for me to be in my shadows, so we’ll say I’m in the depression part of the stages of grief. I stopped being one of those ‘love and…

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Bargaining

It’s the full moon. The first of two in the month of October. My friend Jenny Arndt tells me that this moon is in Aries and I know that means it’s the moon of my inner warrior. I always give things to the full moon. Things that no longer serve me. So in the interest of release, and for the honour of my personal battle, here’s the next instalment of this post series. The bargaining phase of Kubler Ross’ stages of grief is described as the point when we struggle to find meaning, we reach out too often, and we…

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Anger

There are days when all the walking in the woods doesn’t clear me of the desire to scream at the top of my lungs.  I was in an open, polyamorous triad in which we were raising three children when I lived in Toronto and I was never subjected to the kind of gossip and ear-bending that I’ve endured and witnessed over the last couple of months. This place is too small for its own good sometimes. Writers write about the experiences that move them. How many songs have been written about break ups? Everyone reading knows my version is only…

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