The Why Doesn’t Matter

The mailman unloads his route from the box on the corner and I watch him from my seat on the porch. He listens to a podcast, and I find this endearing. I’m on the phone with a new friend. As I listen to him speak about his work with trauma and plant medicine, a hummingbird decides to visit the honeysuckle growing up the side of the porch. This morning, I sat with a friend who recently lost her father. He went quickly, which is always the hardest for those who are left behind. The shock takes a long time to…

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All The Beautiful Things I Tend

I wanted passion and excitement this summer. Carefree, sensual enjoyment of the heat and the full, lush green, and the feeling of wet sand between my toes. I wanted campfire hair in the morning. Bug bites in scandalous places. Freckles on my shoulders like constellations waiting to be mapped by someone’s mouth. I wanted the opposite of last summer, and so, I got all of that. I’m grateful. I have no regrets. But I’m also embarrassed to be writing this post. The last time we spoke, I was heading into fall with a burgeoning relationship to nurture, alongside all of…

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Primary Partnership

This wild summer of magic continues with its twists and turns. It’s a balance, my wanting to share my life with you, and yet recognizing the need to protect the privacy of the people I love and care for. To protect the container of relationship we are creating. It turns out, I underestimated the person I’ve been seeing. He keeps surprising me. We were thrown together in an entirely random way, and for the first month that I knew him, I didn’t even realize he was considering anything beyond a platonic connection. I was attracted, absolutely, but his quiet reserve…

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Casual Intimacy

Casual relationships are not for me. I’ve been spending time with some truly incredible humans this summer, and through these connections, I’m learning so much about myself. However, despite feeling all manner of feelings, there’s been no immediate potential for a committed, intimate relationship. In the past, that would have been a signal for me to move on. Now, however, I find myself lingering. There’s nothing casual about the way I enter into intimacy. I wholly reject the term casual. I’d like to replace it with ‘intentional’ or ‘carefully measured’. Perhaps even ‘low expectation’. I don’t need monogamy as much…

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It’s Because of the Trees

I love him, a little bit. I think there’s a part of him that believes that my love is parsed out among too many other contenders. I know that I can see the most beautiful parts of people, and as such, it can be very easy to love them.  I’ve never told him I love him, (a little bit), because I know he’d dismiss it. It’s not a big deal; it’s a truly manageable kind of love, born out of who he is, rather than what I think I need from him. Every once in a while, I flirt outrageously…

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