Glad Tidings

I’m toasting these shadows, those ghosts of Christmas past, with almond eggnog and spiced rum, and I’m doing the best that I can. This holiday is bittersweet, but I’m pleased to tell you there is greater emphasis on the sweet. 2018 was a year of surprises, the greatest of which is how I have surprised myself. With my strength. With the depth of my love. With my fierce dedication to reaching for the beauty that exists in every frame. I want to turn all of this pain and transformation into something beautiful. I’ve had a week of self-imposed solitude and…

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The In Between Moments

It’s not that I’m afraid of being alone. I don’t despair about the notion of getting old without a husband. I don’t worry that I’ll choke to death and nobody will come to my rescue. I don’t fret about my beauty shriveling up or my vitality fizzling out if I cloister myself for a while. It’s just that when it’s me and these four walls, the pain floods in. The wasted, reckless ruin of my love sits like a specter in the corner. Time can tick, death can loom, it’s the grief I can’t make peace with. I don’t want…

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The Things I’m Forgetting

If you think that I’ve been quiet because I’ve fallen into a peacefully settled sort of happiness, you would be wrong. There is happiness, to be sure, and love and light, but peace and any sense of settling continue to elude me. In the 4 am hours when I spontaneously wake up each night, I wonder at this. I turn my life around and upside down over and over again. It’s been seven months. I should be in a much better place, shouldn’t I? Here’s a snippet of the inside of my head these days: I contemplate the constant hustle…

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There is No Falling

This post has been rolling around inside me as a collection of feelings and phrases that intersect and diverge and fill me with both longing and abundance. I am in love. This isn’t news. I’ve been in love with the father of my children, I’ve been in love with my heart-broken self. I’ve been in love with my tribe of incredible friends and family. But now, I’m in love with a beautiful soul who I feel compelled to tell you about. Our paths had crossed multiple times over the past three years, but we were very much on the periphery…

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On Skeletons and Conjuring

I’m on the precipice of November, a month that I have a long-standing difficult relationship with. But this year, I’m determined not to let November take me down. This precipice happens to exist on my favourite holiday. A most sacred day for those of us with pagan sensibilities. Halloween, or Samhain (pronounced Sah-wen) is our New Year’s Eve. The end of the cycle. The night when the veil between the living world and the world of spirit is most thin. Tonight, I’m going to listen to the messages of my ancestors. Tonight, I’m going to heed my own spirit and…

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