People keep asking me if I’m okay. It’s a yes and no answer because ultimately, I know I will emerge intact, and I can literally feel my resilience at work, but holy mother this is a painful period of my life. And I’m so very tired all the time. I don’t think I’m depressed, at least not by the big Pharma definition of the term, but I know this is the time for me to be in my shadows, so we’ll say I’m in the depression part of the stages of grief. I stopped being one of those ‘love and…
It’s the full moon. The first of two in the month of October. My friend Jenny Arndt tells me that this moon is in Aries and I know that means it’s the moon of my inner warrior. I always give things to the full moon. Things that no longer serve me. So in the interest of release, and for the honour of my personal battle, here’s the next instalment of this post series. The bargaining phase of Kubler Ross’ stages of grief is described as the point when we struggle to find meaning, we reach out too often, and we…
There are days when all the walking in the woods doesn’t clear me of the desire to scream at the top of my lungs. I was in an open, polyamorous triad in which we were raising three children when I lived in Toronto and I was never subjected to the kind of gossip and ear-bending that I’ve endured and witnessed over the last couple of months. This place is too small for its own good sometimes. Writers write about the experiences that move them. How many songs have been written about break ups? Everyone reading knows my version is only…
I’m not convinced it was supposed to go down like this. When we met, I felt like I was pulled into his orbit by a force that was bigger than both of us. I had to find out what that feeling was all about. This was back before I learned what it means to rest in the feminine and let things come to me. Still, once I’d set it in motion, he seemed just as intrigued as I was. As we began to create space together, it felt like home. He said all the right things. I was fascinated by…
I shouldn’t have agreed to go. To the couples’ therapy session we’d waited a month for, I mean. A month that felt like years. A month I couldn’t make it through because I was so exhausted of trying to bridge the gaping chasm that grew so wide between us. But I agreed, even after I said I couldn’t remain in the relationship. Have you ever had to set a boundary like this with someone you loved deeply? It’s one of the hardest things. He’d never asked for anything like this. I was surprised when he did. I realize now I was…
