These days are feeling a little surreal. Life is hectic, but the home front is peaceful, and I have felt for almost a week now that I am not in my body, but am watching myself move through the world from a far off location. Like a dream. This is very standard fare for November. I don’t go out the way I used to. I have two friends with two brand new babies, and I’ve been afraid to see them because I keep feeling sniffly, and I live with a three year old who has a wet nagging cough that…
I’m trying to post something here every day, but sometimes when I wake up in the morning, my head is so full of cobwebs, I have nothing really to say. This morning, we’re listening to music that is slightly too loud for my morning ears, our three year old is laying on the sofa looking up adoringly at her daddy who is trying to get her dressed, our six year old is very slowly eating her cereal, my girlfriend is unloading the dishwasher, and all five of us are drinking kale smoothies. “K for kale.” The little one has been…
Last night I had a dream about a baby. A fat-cheeked, red-headed baby girl that was mine. Except I wasn’t convinced that she was real. I kept seeing her when I was alone, but she was never around when I was with other people. I held her, smelled her sweet, sweaty neck, kissed her, sang to her, and decided in my dream that I had completely lost my mind and made her up. I was in the mall near the house I grew up in with my friend Kathryn, and we were shopping for baby things, and I was nervous…
This e.e. cummings poem has been scrolling through my head for the last several days: somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond any experience,your eyes have their silence: in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me, or which i cannot touch because they are too near your slightest look will easily unclose me though i have closed myself as fingers, you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens (touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose or if your wish be to close me, i and my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly, as when the heart of this flower…
“Could circumstances beyond your control be turning you into a more jaded person? Today, before you lose sight of the wonders of the world, unearth some of your old idealistic tendencies. They aren’t gone — they’re still deep down inside of you. They’ve been sleeping, just waiting for a time when they’ll be necessary and relevant in your life again. Let yourself be impressed by the magic that surrounds you every day. “
