Cat Skinner Club

Ask Mommy: For the Birds

Rosie

Dear Mommy,

As a predominately (mostly? bi-and-large?) hetero, entirely feminist woman, I sometimes find it hard to find porn that appeals to me. I get turned on by watching women and men both, in pretty much any combination. My challenge is that most porn features women and men whose bodies I don’t find real enough to be attractive – by which I mean, they are overly produced, hairless, and not soft and sexy and beautifully flawed like the humans I know and love. I find that I love burlesque photos, black-and-white shots, and photos that are artistic, highly suggestive or even explicit, as long as they look believable. Photos that give you the feeling of consensual voyeurism. A few years ago, you mentioned a video porn site on your blog that I really loved that featured real women having real orgasms. I’m looking for more suggestions of great erotica, featuring gorgeous, real, fucking hot people. Pretty much a Les Coquettes show, but in pictures…with more sex.

Got any ideas?

Thanks!

B

Dear B,

If that isn’t a Freaky Friday gauntlet throw down, I don’t know what is! I was so excited to get your note, I went into overload trying to find the very best answers, because I know that this post is going to make A LOT of women happy.

My first move was to turn to one of my very sexy friends, Sonya JF Barnett, co-founder of Slutwalk and The Madame of Toronto’s Raciest Art Community, The Keyhole Sessions. Sonya has incredible taste, and she’s deeply invested in creating sex-positive, pro female erotic art. She recently won the Golden Beaver (best Canadian content) at the Feminist Porn Awards for her premiere erotic video ‘Because I Want You to Watch’. You can check out her ridiculously sexy work here.

Sonya immediately recommended Cindy Gallop’s “Make Love Not Porn” (in beta). This is a fascinating web-based profit-share where real people create and share real porn. They don’t like to call themselves amateurs, because of the implication that the only people who can create sexy porn are the pros. I particularly enjoyed Cindy’s amusing and accurate look at the ‘Porn World vs. Real World’. When your kids discover porn, and are old enough to contextualize sex in more explicit terms, this will be highly illuminating and informative for them. As Cindy says in her Ted Talk (see video below) about the influence of hardcore porn on contemporary sexuality, “Sex is the area of human experience that embraces the vastest possible range of proclivities.” The important task of being true to our own desires and needs lies with us.

B, the website featuring real female orgasm that you reference in your note is the delightful I Feel Myself. It’s a members-only site, but well worth the fee if that’s what makes you warm and tingly.

To make sure I’ve thoroughly satisfied you, I also wanted to share the information below which I first published on my sex education blog.

Photo by Andrew Blake

I like porn. The more deeply I delve into the world of adult video, the more I like the genre. It’s hard to believe that once-upon-a-time I used to be intimidated by the idea of watching x-rated movies. I think I believed that porn was only for guys, that I would feel inadequate if I watched surgically enhanced women getting it on, and that porn was degrading to women. This is true in some cases, but like all things wonderful about the Internet, with enough digging, there’s something out there for everyone. Even you, my horny sisters.

Here are some things to consider when delving into porn for the first time:

Fly Solo
Plan to be all alone the first few times you watch porn. Whether it’s free stuff you find on the Internet or a video that you’ve rented, watching solo takes any pressure off, and frees you up to explore what makes you feel good.

Bring a Toy
If you find something particularly arousing, run with it! Note which scenarios and sex acts make you the happiest. Also note the directors or performers involved in your favorite scenes.

Keep the Other Hand on the Remote
Fast forward through the boring parts. This is part of the joy of watching porn. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a feature-length adult movie from start to finish.

Visit Your Favorite Pro-Women Sex Shop
These stores are staffed with awesome people who will make you totally comfortable in asking questions. They often have a rental section, and will gladly make recommendations. Save yourself from the experience of a trashy, alienating sex shop geared towards men. There are also lots of online resources for sex-positive porn from a female perspective.

Female Directors
The face of porn is changing as smart, savvy women are stepping up to the director’s chair. Feminist porn describes x-rated movies told from a woman’s perspective, and includes real female fantasies and POV (point-of-view) shots from the female angle. Some kick-ass female directors include:

Candida Royalle, Tristan Taormino, Anna Span, Madison Young and Erika Lust

Check out this great website, Porn Movies for Women, for more recommendations.

Educational
While you’re sure to be inspired by some of the scenarios you’ll see in porn, sexual education videos can also be incredibly hot. Add some of these to your DVD library, and plan a study date solo or with a buddy.

Costume Epics
If you think that dress-up might be your thing, look for costume epics and historical dramas within the porn genre.

Plot-Driven
It’s hard to believe, but there are porn films out there that actually have decent story lines. Look for films by Candida Royale, Paul Thomas, and Veronica Hart who are all known for their story-telling abilities.

Natural Bodies
If you don’t get off on the artificial fantasy body of many main-stream porn stars, there are lots of actresses out these still kicking it au-natural. Some mainstream porn recommendations include Belladonna and Tori Black. True lesbian porn almost always features natural women. Also, good old-fashioned 70’s porn features natural bodies, including lots of bush. Consider yourself warned.

Amateurs
Check out the realm of porn created with no budget and a handy-cam by earnest, hard-working average Joes and Janes. Charming, and sometimes quite sexy.

Lesbian or Bi-curious
Curious about the wonderful world of girl-on-girl? Lesbian films, produced by lesbian artists depict realistic lesbian sex. Or, treat yourself to the high-gloss, ultra stylized world of male fantasy lesbian hardcore. Some days it’s hard to decide which is better.

Hot Men
Up until recently, men in porn have more or less served as super-sized units attached to ugly people. With women in the driver’s seat, porn actors are getting yummier and yummier. Actors Manuel Ferrara, Jean Val Jean and Mr. Marcus are popular favorites. Director Anna Span is notorious for treating her viewers to hot guys. There’s also the option of kicking back to enjoy some gay porn. Those boys rarely disappoint when it comes to pretty faces.

Porn for Couples
This is an actual sub-genre of the porn industry. You can search for this on the Internet, and lots of delicious choices will appear. Couples’ porn has something for each person to enjoy, and often depicts real fantasies shared by people in monogamous relationships.

High Art
For a highly stylized treat that looks like the pages of a fashion magazine has sprung to life and started a hump-fest, check out the work of director Andrew Blake. Another noteworthy contemporary is Michael Ninn.

Kinky
Challenge your comfort zone and expand your horizons by experiencing kinky sex from the safe distance of your sofa. BDSM (an acronym that represents the idea of  bondage, discipline, domination, and sado-masochism) and fetishistic sex come alive in ways you can scarcely imagine in the world of porn.

Free Porn
It boggles the mind to think of how much porn is available for free on the Internet. Now that you have some tips on what to look for, set aside several hours (no joke, you won’t be able to stop yourself) and check out the endless selection available at the following websites WARNING: THESE SITES MOSTLY FEATURE MAINSTREAM PORN, NOT USUALLY FROM A FEMINIST PERSPECTIVE

http://www.youporn.com
http://www.pornhub.com
http://www.redtube.com
http://www.xvideos.com
http://www.ultrapasswords.com

Let Someone Else do the Work
For the Girls is a subscription-based website that features naughty photos, video, and stories chosen for women by women. A trial membership could be a fun way to introduce yourself to the world of adult entertainment.

Read All About It
There are some great books devoted to the topic of women and porn. If you’d like to arm yourself with as much info as possible before diving in, check out these great titles:

Good Porn: A Woman’s Guide

The Smart Girl’s Guide to Porn

Do my readers have any steadfast sources of great feminist porn? Share here so we can all enjoy!

Kisses on your nose,

Playboy Mommy


Chocolate Fuelled Work Day


This morning Noah and I got up very early and ran away to Grandmere’s so I could have a working day. I’m hoping to be extra productive because I won’t have this opportunity next week. I’m pleased to tell you that I’ll be taking a 20-hour in-class crash course in driver’s ed.

Country life is beautiful, but I had a little city girl meltdown at the beginning of the week when I started to feel a little housebound and stir crazy. I’ve been studying the driver’s handbook, and will have my G1 in a week. We have a graduated licensing system here, and by my calculations this means I’ll be able to get my full license by next spring. Finally!

My mother’s house is so comfortable, and something about being here always makes me want to eat! Maybe it’s that cozy feeling of being in the house I grew up in? Today I’m craving a warm tray of Betty Crocker brownies and a cold glass of milk. Instead, I think I’ll make a high-fiber, sugar-free, gluten-free alternative that I think you’ll love.

Playboy Mommy’s Reform School Brownies

1 (15.5 ounce) can black beans, rinsed and drained (or the equivalent of dried beans, pre-soaked and pre-cooked)
4 eggs
3 Tbsp coconut oil (vegetable oil will also work)
¼ cup cocoa powder
1 pinch salt
1 tsp vanilla extract
¾ cup white sugar, Splenda or other sucralose sweetener or 1 Tbsp powdered stevia
1 tsp instant coffee (optional, but highly recommended)
½ cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease an 8×8 square baking dish.
Combine the black beans, eggs, oil, cocoa powder, salt, vanilla extract, sugar, and instant coffee in a blender; blend until smooth; pour the mixture into the prepared baking dish. Sprinkle the chocolate chips over the top of the mixture.
Bake in the preheated oven until the top is dry and the edges start to pull away from the sides of the pan, about 30 minutes.


Thrifty Mommy

I finally got a chance to hit one of the local thrift stores. It was a quick trip, and I grabbed some light weight, light-coloured hiking clothes for the Noodle and I, but I found a couple of cute things I wanted to share with you. 

$6.99 – I found a pretty embroidered tablecloth for our classroom, for when we decide to host tea parties.

tablecloth

$7.99 (set of 5) – These cheerful place mats will be cute in the classroom for lunches

placemats

$4.99 – I loved this cute apron. I think homeschool teachers should wear aprons.

apron

$3.99 – I found this three-dimensional wooden tic tac toe game for the girls.

tictactoe

$5.99 – I love the owl on this cute tote. Great for library visits!

owltote

$2.99 – I couldn’t resist these little kitties. I figure they are Waldorf toys because they are made of fur, cardboard and glass.

kitties

I scored high in the book department. I found myself some vintage gems, and a copy of Stephen King’s book about the creative process, which comes highly recommended. I also found some lovely books for the girls. I’m really excited about the princess series based on historical figures. They even had a book special – buy three books, get one free.

vintagegardeningbook

reader

StephenKingbook

kidsbooks

I’ve wisely started using my grocery shopping app to make a list of items to look for next time I’m thrifting. It’s too easy to get distracted, and I don’t want to come home with more stuff that we don’t really need. With the exception of the little cats, which were a huge hit, I think I was pretty savvy.

Next trip, I need to find storage containers for our classroom made from natural materials.

Word Game Party

ShaziaAylaHammock

A couple of weeks ago, Daddy’s sister organized a family get-together in celebration of her birthday. We played a notorious skill-testing game and ate some delicious food, and it was so much fun I wanted to share some of the evening with you! 

The Word Game

Suitable for ages 8-99

You will need:
Paper for each player
A pencil with an eraser for each player
A dictionary or dictionary app
A timer
Some books

Snacks and drinks (very important during the score tallying)

One person will have to be appointed the Judge. This person should be tough as nails and not afraid to make decisions that might make other people angry!

The judge begins by opening one of the books and choosing a word that is no more than eight letters long. The judge announces the word and the correct spelling to the players, and then starts the timer for fifteen minutes.

The object of the game is to make words using the letters of the word selected by the judge. The player with the most unique words at the end of the game is the winner.

Some rules:

1. No glancing at other players’ words!
2. You must be prepared to defend your words with proper definitions, and may be asked to use them in a sentence.
3. No proper nouns.
4. No slang, unless commonly accepted and listed in a dictionary.
5. No non-English words unless they are commonly used.
6. No short forms unless commonly used.
7. No acronyms.
8. If you use more than one word from the same root, they must each have a different definition, i.e. runner and runners – a person who runs and the shoes they wear on their feet.

When the timer goes off each player counts his or her words, writes down the final number and circles that number. The player with the most words begins the scoring round by calling out each word they have created. If all of the players have a word that is called out, everyone draws a line through that word. If any of the players have missed that word, everyone circles the word. When the player with the most words is finished calling out all of their words, everyone else takes a turn adding any missed words. The player with the most circled words at the end of scoring is the winner.

The scoring round can take FOREVER so this is when snacking and drinking usually happens. It’s also likely when your family feud will begin.

FarrahHannah

Here are a couple of recipes from our day of feasting that I thought you might enjoy!

Beef Mishkaki (Tanzanian Cuisine)

Beef sirloin steak cut into 1” cubes – 1 kg
2-3 Tbsp fresh minced ginger
2-3 Tbsp fresh minced garlic
Half a large onion finely minced
1 cup whipping cream
2 Tbsp Tikka Masala – you can find all kinds of masala in an Indian grocery store, or the International section of your grocery store
3 Tbsp fresh lemon juice
2 tsp salt
5 Tbsp olive or vegetable oil

Marinate beef with all above ingredients and refrigerate for 6 hours or over night. The longer the more tender beef will be.

Thread beef on skewers (soak the skewers in water for at least an hour first, and be sure not to crowd meat) and grill over high heat for 5-6 minutes for medium. Serve hot off the grill with the chutneys (basically the Indian word for sauce) of your choosing.

Ama’s Green Chutney

2 bunches fresh coriander
7-8 green chilies
1 tsp salt
4 Tbsp white vinegar
3 Tbsp olive oil

Trim off the roots and leaves of the coriander and rinse the stems repeatedly and well in a light-colored container until you can no longer see any sand in the container. Wrap the unwashed leaves in some paper towel and reserve for other cooking. Coarsely chop the stems.
Trim the ends off the chilies and coarsely chop (wash your hands well after handling chilies!)
Add all ingredients into a blender and blend until smooth. Store in refrigerator until serving.

Great accompaniments to Mishkaki include:

Grilled corn
Grilled sweet potato (par cook in the microwave, then slice and brush with coconut oil and sea salt before grilling. Garnish with coriander)
Any kind of salads
Fresh naan
Plain yogurt

For those of you who don’t like red meat, the marinade also works well with chicken.

Enjoy, and remember The Word Game is meant to be fun.

Mommy’s To-Do List – Week of July 15th

weeklyjuly15

Weekend Highlights

Mama S and I began our weekend with a surprise girls’ night in Toronto. Our dear friends Emily and Jordan just had their first baby, and Jordan scored the husband-of-the-year award by inviting all of Emily’s girlfriends over for a surprise girls’ night in because she was missing everyone. He even prepared a delicious table full of snacks to satisfy our many dietary restrictions. It was lovely to see all of the ladies, and the commute to Toronto on Go Transit gave me two hours of reading time. 

Noah hit the nine-month mark! Now my little baby has been out in the world for as long as he grew inside my belly. I can’t believe it’s already been nine months.

Our Bapa returns to Africa on Tuesday morning, so we spent the weekend close to home puttering around the house and eating. The easy schedule allowed me to plough through all of our laundry and tackle the classroom, freeing me up for fun through the week.

VIP Tasks This Week

The Classroom

I’ve done all that I can to organize the stuff in this room. Now I just need to get some extra muscles to help me move out the things that don’t belong there. I’m hoping daddy can make some time this week to help me! (Batting eyelashes)

Summer Camp At Home

I purchased the Summer Nature Camp at Home curriculum that I mentioned last week, and now I just need to start reading through it. With the insane heat today, it might be fun to try to bake these solar oven s’mores! Perhaps we can prepare some delicious popsicles this morning too? It’s not even 8am and I’m roasting in my room with the AC on!

Fertilizing

The garden is tiny, but determined to grow, for the most part. We’ve got some holes to fill now where I think we have some dud seeds and bulbs, but otherwise everything is coming along. It’s time to fertilize I think, and perhaps mulch the tomatoes, but I’m saving gardening for a day later in the week when the high isn’t 32 degrees!

Shopping

It’s time to zip across the border and pick up the shopping that’s accumulating in our UPS box. Plus, I need to find a new bathing suit for Hannah who has grown out of all of hers. This reminds me, I need to write a post about shopping online!

Library Card

I now have mail with my new address, so it’s time to get our library cards at both the St. Catharine’s and Niagara libraries. Meanwhile, I have a bookshelf filled with summer reading potential!

Final Touches

I’ve got to finish my room by hanging the few pictures I have to put up. I’m hoping that will help to make it a little less cluttered in here.

What I didn’t get to last week:

Gluten Free Baking

I think it would be wise to hit the Bulk Barn for some gluten-free ingredients in the next day or so. I can then order whatever else I might need online, and pick it up when we go across. I’d like to go fruit picking with the girls either this week or next, and I plan to do a baking lesson using the fruit we gather.

Personal Goals

I so enjoyed my reading time on transit last week that I want to carve out more time for reading. I’m frankly not sure how to do this with a nine-month old who is in perpetual motion. Maybe I need to take advantage of his naps and the girls’ excitement with their new room to enjoy some reading time? When I do this, I always feel guilty, but maybe the secret is to just know that on a certain day of the week, that’s what my baby-free time is for.

Things to Look Forward To

Shopping with Daddy!

I love our trips across the border, even though it’s often a bit epic. It’s nice to know that we have that time together, with a guaranteed lunch date. It’s been so busy around here that we haven’t had much one-on-one time.

Work Day!

Heading to my mom’s for some uninterrupted work time was a fantastic idea. I’m hoping to do this again this week, and I know I’ll be even more productive because I’ll be riding in with Mama S on her way to work. This way there’s no scary bus ride on the highway with the baby in my lap, and I won’t have a car seat to install.

Easy Week!

I’m looking at my calendar for other events to look forward to and there aren’t any! I know I want to take the girls on an outing this week – either another hike (huge success) or perhaps a trip to a local farm to pick some fruit – but otherwise it’s an easy-going week. I love not having every moment scheduled.

Reunion!

The week ends with a family reunion and open house at Mama S’ folks in Barrie. They have such a lovely home and property, and I feel like we haven’t been there in ages. It will be nice to watch the kids run around and play and it will be Noah’s first cousins photo opportunity!

Now, if I’m going to get anything accomplished, this mama needs coffee. I hope your week is off to a great start, and I hope if you’re facing the kind of heat we are, you’re finding smart, fun ways to keep cool.