Cat Skinner Club

My Tribe

001_primary

Everyone I know and love is having babies.

Ok, not EVERYONE, but close. While sharing in their joy and excitement, this also leaves me feeling a little bit like the last unicorn.

The last year and a half in Schnooville has been an incredible exercise in learning my independence, and really growing very happy standing on my own. I’m happy with the woman I am, and satisfied with my life, and I’ve decided that I never want to feel like I need someone else in order to have the kind of life that I want.

As a result, I began to think about how I might complete the rest of the puzzle without anyone else, if for no other reason to stop feeling like I’m waiting for someone to fall into my life. I stopped looking. I began imagining single-parent scenarios, and made a list of all the people I knew I could count on for support if I decided to go down that road.

Then something extraordinary happened.

Is there a “right” way to have a family? Is the conventional two-parent, heterosexual model the only one? In this day of two mommy and two daddy families, can we really believe that only a mommy and a daddy can create a positive, loving home in which to raise a family?

Not in Schnooville. Here, we’re looking beyond the traditional Western model. The vast and mysterious universe has served up an order I wouldn’t have even thought to place, and now I’m turning my world around and examining each corner and each line to see how everything I thought I knew about life and love can be renovated and remodeled for a bigger, better reality.

I hope to be able to share more of this wonderful story here, but first there are big decisions to make, and very important people to share these decisions with. There will be no immediate pitter patter either. A lot of love and groundwork must be laid down first. What I wish to impart is that life will give you wonderful things if you open up your heart and trust in powers that are greater than us all.

Possibility is one of the most exciting things I know. It invites imagination, dreaming, and hope in abundance. The way we embrace possibility tells us so much about the people we are, and the way we move through our lives.

This possibility is just too good to walk away from.

Solomon Says

Bow River captured by iPhone

Bow River captured by iPhone

A fine evening to end my Banff experience.

Jennifer (my boss) and I had an early supper, and then walked along the Bow River into downtown Banff. It was a beautiful, scenic stroll. Once downtown we hit the movie theatre, which was a small, sticky-floored, messy place completely unlike the megaplexes one is used to in Toronto. There was something charming about the place, and it seemed to be ruled by pimply teenagers with squeaky voices without any adult management in sight. We saw “The Time Traveler’s Wife” which is an adaptation of what might be my favourite book. It was shot beautifully, but as is always the case, the book was far more powerful an experience. That Rachel Mc Adams sure is lovely.

Walking home at dusk was most serene, and once back at The Centre we paused to take in the mountain vista. The sun was sinking slowly behind the Rockies and the sky was melting from slate blue into inky twylight. We were both silent, and I feel we were likely both saying a silent goodbye.

Mine was a silent thank you. To this place, and to the Universe that led me here. I felt my heart open up like a valley, and I invited all manner of possibility to find its way in. I whispered a prayer to the Universe to affirm that I was ready for the next great chapter of my life. To assure that I felt strong, and still, and free of the doubt and fear that have tailed me like a shadow since the end of my last relationship. Then, at the exact same moment, Jennie and I turned to each other and knew it was time to move on.

In the lobby of the Professional Development Centre, where our rooms are, we encountered a very dapper African American gentleman, who was in the company of a most elegant African American woman. We commented on the brisk temperature, and he informed us in a voice as rich and thick as molasses that he and his wife were from Atlanta. He was wearing a beautiful suit in a blue that matched the twylight sky, and a tie that looked like a silk tie from the forties in a vibrant canary yellow. He and his wife both had the most beautiful eyeglasses, wire frames with thick arms that featured intricate, die cut patterns. Jennifer inquired about what brought them to the Centre, and the gentleman locked eyes with me as he answered:

“I’m here to show how to unleash your inner power.”

He then explained that he was an inspirational speaker working with a conference for insurance people, but I had stopped listening to these details because I had a full body shiver. I glanced down at the lanyard around his neck and saw that his name was Solomon.

Solomon, for those of you who don’t know, was one of the greatest kings in biblical history, and he is a player who figures heavily in Christian, Muslim, and Jewish mythology. He was most popularly known as “Solomon the Wise”.

The name Solomon means “peace”.

“I am here to show how to unleash your inner power.”

Though I will have no exposure to Solomon’s teaching, I feel like his very presence in that very moment has started me on my path to greater self-discovery.

My catcher’s mitt is now at the ready.

Round Robins and Conversational Crows

Bad iPhone Photo of the view on the way to the restaurant

Bad iPhone Photo of the view on the way to the restaurant

A fine conference here in Banff. We ended this morning, so I am now officially on vacation. I was very proud to exchange ideas and opinions with Canada’s Opera giants in a place that has fostered some of our nation’s greatest artists.

Yesterday afternoon was particulary invigorating. We participated in something called a ‘conversation cafe’ that involved a series of group discussions, and then challenged us to commit our own ideas about the future of opera in Canada to paper. (Sidebar…simply writing the word ‘Canada’ makes me feel proud). At one point, as we were all silently writing away, two of the noisiest crows I’ve ever heard began their own dialogue. I felt like they too were sharing a universal thread, in a language not of distinct words, but shared ideas and intent. It was a really inspiring day that ended with workshop presentations of new opera works.

Tapestry is an extraordinary Toronto company that produces a season of electric new opera at affordable prices. Collectively, they knocked my socks off this weekend – both because of the charm and graciousness of their staff, and with the unbelievable excerpt they presented last night from a new opera that examines the sex trade and human trafficking. I intend to catch their season, and I hope you’ll join me. Let’s make going to the opera a hot thing to do again!

The human voice is the most primal instrument, and I believe it has the greatest power to express the human experience. If you’ve never witnessed opera live before, I would challenge you to do this, preferably with an innovative new company where you will have a more intimate encounter. Breathtaking!

Tonight an early dinner at the Raven’s Loft here at the Centre and then a stroll into town for a movie date with my boss. Tomorrow an early hike up the side of the mountain (which is less intense than it sounds) before heading back to the Calgary airport where I will meet my friends for the next leg of my Alberta adventure.

Today is the birthday of one of my favourite Canadians. I’ll give you three guesses who that is…

Sleeping with Giants

A photo I didn't take, but an accurate representation all the same.

A photo I didn't take, but an accurate representation all the same.

Last night I fell asleep cradled in the arm of the mountains.

My incredible fortune has granted me the opportunity to spend four days at the Banff Centre for the 2009 Opera Colloquium, and this place is pure magic. The Centre is a compound for artists who come for residencies and retreats to create and workshop their pieces. Imagine a small university campus devoted to creation. All of the people I’m meeting are devoted to their art, and are passionate about their work. For the next three days we’re sharing ideas about creating new opera, and the importance of opera in our modern age.

I’ve never been to Alberta. Yesterday I learned that there is nothing as beautiful as the Rocky Mountains. At least not in my experience of the world so far. Their majesty and magnitude makes me feel so safe and serene. It is a visual reminder that the world has existed for lifetimes before me, and will continue to exist long after I’m gone, her landscape ever shifting and subtly changing. I find this deeply comforting.

The air here is spectacular. With each inhalation my body feels cleaner, and more alive. Despite the cool weather, and my inappropriate packing, I want to spend all of my time outside. There are wild animals everywhere, and I can’t wait to encounter them on my walks. There is also a very famous hot spring that we intend to visit.

Meals are shared in a beautiful restaurant made entirely of glass, so you can enjoy the mountainous vistas as you dine. I’m told that the food is fantastic, and nutritious, and it’s served buffet style, so I don’t have to eat anything I don’t want.

Last night we were treated to a fabulous dinner at the home of the program director of the centre. If the food there was any indication, then I’m most certainly in good hands.

I could live here, easily. Maybe not forever, but certainly devoting a couple of years of my life to this place would be incredible. They have a creative writing workshop that happens here twice a year. It’s two weeks long, and I think I might apply for next spring. I can imagine myself here, alone, sipping coffee on the deck in the morning, wrapped in polar fleece, and pouring my heart into my laptop.

This morning I have a breakfast date with my boss. She’s a fabulous woman, and I think these next few days will be a great bonding experience for us.

The best part of this all-expense paid trip…I get to stay on for the week to visit near by friends and their beautiful new baby.

Beauty of this magnitude makes me feel like the people I love best in this world are closer to my heart than ever. I feel like an explorer, gathering samples and stories to return home with, so that everyone can taste my adventure.

Thank you Universe.

The Long, Hot Summer

LHSWeb

Yes of course if you live anywhere near Toronto that’s a ridiculous title for this post, but the alternative is “The Dripping Wet Summer”. You can tell me which is more appealing. I’ll take either, and both. One is steam rising from the pavements sensual, and the other is the freckle-faced glory I crave during our epic winters.

It’s been a few days since I’ve been here, and I can blame this on two things:

1.) I have a show that opens on Thursday. Please see the image above.

2.) I have fallen deep into the Rabbit Hole and Wonderland is more spectacular than anyone could describe.

And so, I return to Schnooville to tell you this:

When you start to listen to what the Universe is telling you, and when you trust your own heart, it is the most profound magic you will ever know. I’m exploring some of the deepest corners of who I am, and what I want my life to be. At the end of the day, when all of the outside influences fall away, the answers seem so simple and clear. I’m challenging everything I thought that I knew about myself.

Love is not about losing yourself in someone else. It’s about finding yourself reflected in them, and looking deeply into your own soul to understand that the beauty they see in you, the beauty they love in you, is yours and yours alone, and it is the greatest gift that you have. You alone must sustain and nurture your own light so you can reflect back the love you are fortunate enough to receive.

All of the healing, understanding, acceptance, courage, strength, power, wisdom, and joy you seek are sitting there, somewhere inside you, like boxes of memories from ancient ancestors. When you finally tackle the mess, you’ll be amazed at what you begin to unearth.