Cat Skinner Club

30 Days

Real Labour Stories

Noah Toes

This morning I’m trolling through Facebook profiles of old friends and acquaintances that are recent mommies, and their baby photos are melting my heart. I can’t believe that I’m only a month away from meeting this amazing little being I’ve been GROWING IN MY BODY.

I used to really pride myself on the creative things I’ve accomplished in my life, but really nothing compares to making a person. For me, that was always a goal I wanted to achieve, but as I approached my mid thirties it seemed more and more like a pipe dream. I believe whole-heartedly that women everywhere can achieve great and wonderful goals without ever procreating, but to look back on darker times in my life when I really believed I would never have the chance to even try to get pregnant, I feel pretty damned grateful.

This morning at about 5:45 I awoke with my first for real, full-fledged contraction. I think it was like a super Braxton Hicks or something because I shifted positions and it eased up. There haven’t been any more since. It was unlike anything I’ve ever felt, different than cramping for sure. I felt my entire midsection give a squeeze, right down to my pubic bone. It didn’t hurt, but it did make me marvel at what the real deal might possibly be like.

I fell asleep watching ‘More Business of Being Born’ which is a follow up mini series to the Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein documentary ‘The Business of Being Born’. The particular episode I was watching featured various celebrities talking very candidly about their own birthing experiences. It was really touching and honest. I was seriously impressed with model Gisele Bundchen. She spoke of the whole thing as a very empowering, spiritual experience, and she seemed to have mastered the art of staying calm and relaxing through the birth. I figure if she (who has not been blessed with my wide birthing pelvis) can squeeze out a person so serenely, then surely so can I. My grandmother birthed twelve babies, so I’m going to believe that I’m genetically primed for this kind of work.

I am getting nervous. Not afraid, because I really do believe that I can handle whatever happens, and I’m prepared to do whatever needs to be done to bring the baby into the world safely, but I think I can say there’s some fear of the unknown setting in. I think it’s comforting to know that every single experience is unique, and that just because some people had a hell of a time, it doesn’t mean that I will. I think if I keep focusing on the spiritual and very positive elements of birth, it will help tremendously.  Everyone seems to swear by Hypnobirthing, and while I like the idea of deep relaxation, I found this book impossible to read because it’s so, so fruity.

So many of you have babies of your own. What kind of mental prep or labor coping tools did you and your partners employ?

My Favourite Shower Pics

From our September 15th baby shower, taken by Mama S with a bit of help from our dear friend Dave Lapsley.

34 Days

Saturday, September 15th 2012.

So after a rough start yesterday, I spent the rest of the day in the chair at Lid, the salon where my lovely friend Angela works. She colored and cut my hair, and I must say, there was something really cathartic about being perched in a crowded Yorkville salon in the state I was in. Imagine me with my huge belly fighting against the leopard print tank dress I was wearing, stuffing my face with a banana chocolate chip muffin, smiling through the tears that just wouldn’t stop coming. Certifiable, for sure, but now with a richer red, shaggier hair do. The kind of wash and go action a new mamma will be grateful for.

Last night I curled up in my big bed with my fella and we had a great heart-to-heart. It was a tricky one, but we did a great job, and I felt safer and happier and remarkably closer after. Sleep was easier last night, and no weird dreams woke me.

This morning we all woke up and tackled our house, which has been undergoing some remarkable purging and organizing, but hadn’t had a proper cleaning in some time. Cleaning felt amazing, until I could no longer move with a stiff lower back. Then I collapsed in a heap on my bed, drooling and unconscious in minutes. When I awoke 45 minutes later it was with a jolt, realizing that I had to get ready for the baby shower our friends were hosting for us.

What a day we had. I’m so exhausted now, but it was such an awesome time. I promise to post photos soon. My best girls Ming, Amanda and Kathryn planned such a beautiful day with some backup support from my girl Oonagh who is due with her second baby on MONDAY! Holy crap! The owner of Revival (where Les Coquettes play in Toronto) graciously donated the space to us. The food was so delicious and the Prairie Girl cupcakes were abundant (I think their strawberry cream cheese icing is one of the greatest things I have ever tasted). So many of our wonderful friends were on hand to wish us well, and we were even treated to a surprise appearance by Tyler Yarema who sang and played the piano! What a sweetheart he is. I got teary when I learned how quickly he’d agreed to gift us with his performance.

You can imagine how emo I was all day, but the piece de resistance was when my daughters took to the stage, wireless mics in hand, and serenaded me with the Rose song from their school. They’d been bursting at the seams trying to keep the surprise a secret from me, and in fact the whole thing almost didn’t happen because H caught a wicked case of stage fright moments before. Her other parents swooped in and pushed her up there, and I’m so glad they did. Her nerves melted away before our eyes, and despite the jitters she sang out loud and strong, and I’ve never seen anything so beautiful in my life. I was a blubbering mess, and so very proud of them.

What a beautiful thing to see my friends, and their partners and their beautiful children all gathered together to wish us well. My life is full of rich moments, but some of the richest are when we’re all together and I realize that my family extends beyond blood to my family of friends. Noah is so lucky to have such wonderful people in his life as his sisters can attest.

35 Days

Today I am 35 weeks pregnant.

Last night I had a dream that the clinic that helped us get pregnant called to tell me that my trial fertility run was over, and that my abortion had been scheduled and they were ready to inseminate for real. I was shocked and horrified and I turned to both of my partners, but they were nonplussed by the news and took me to the hospital for my appointment, asking me what else I expected. I kept pleading with them, with doctors, etc to just wait out the next month so we could have this baby, but everyone kept telling me “That’s not the way it works.” Finally I faked needing to use the bathroom to make my escape and woke myself up, but felt so profoundly that my dream was real. Needless to say, there was no going back to sleep for me. It was 3:00 am.

My Babycentre pregnancy app tells me that I have 35 days left to go. Last week I would have told you that felt like a lifetime. This week I can tell you it doesn’t feel like enough time.

I don’t think I’m a good parent. More accurately, I know I’m not the kind of parent I would like to be. I’ve been working really hard in therapy, and with my own reading and research to unlearn a very deeply ingrained way of thinking that was largely instilled by my paternal grandmother who helped raised my brother and I; this idea that children and adults are not equals, and therefore don’t receive the same kind of respect; this notion that being stern and needing control is equal to good discipline; the “because I said so” school of thought. I would venture that many of my peers were raised the same way I was, as this seemed to be the North American standard of our generation. We weren’t unloved, but we realized we had a very different place in the hierarchy of our households, and we were constantly reminded that this place was below the adults.

The Daddy in my family today was raised a very different way. As he tells it he was constantly spoken to with respect and love and patience. He always felt valued and important. There was nobody barking commands at him, and every request was punctuated with a ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. Sounds Utopian, no? Mama S had about ten good years of witnessing this kind of parent/child interaction through Daddy’s family before her babies came, but here I am in year three of my massive learning curve, and I feel like I’m always getting it wrong.

So yeah, maybe my body has done a great job with growing this tiny man for the last 8 months, but what the hell happens once he’s out in the world? How can I possibly get my shit together enough in 35 days to be the kind of parent I’d like to be and do great justice to the lives of not only my bio offspring, but the two amazing stepdaughters I’ve been blessed with?

How with lack of sleep and raging hormones do I find greater depth in my seemingly shallow reservoir of chilled out patience? How do I switch off the need to control the children’s actions (so they don’t hurt themselves, others, or god forbid develop unhealthy habits) and just really relish in their experience of childhood?

How do I prove to my partners in 35 days that I am worthy of the monumental task of parenting? How can I stop sounding like my stern grandmother when I’m not having a great day? What can I do to help the people around me relax and trust that I’m growing and changing and learning and that I’m not going to become perfect overnight? I need the benefit of the doubt to be able to grow, just as my precocious, wily, headstrong six-year-old does.

How do I push through all of this fear and trust myself enough to let my body take over the task of bringing this baby into the world? 35 days just isn’t enough time.

Budget Baby

Not long after finding out we were pregnant, it became my personal mission to not fall into the trap of many first-time parents who go totally overboard with spending on baby things. The baby market is a booming one, with everyone claiming their product is something you “must have” but for me the essentials were having as little clutter and stress as possible in welcoming our new addition.

Our office/dumping room (where all of the random odds and ends of our household were landing) was to become our nursery. All of the office things are being re-located to the basement as I type. It’s been a slow process, but with our end-of-September deadline looming, things are coming along nicely now and everyone is working so hard at getting organized. Organization makes me happy, so it feels really, really good to be taking care of this. The nursery is nearly complete with a few random bits to make their way downstairs, a crib mattress to purchase, and some art to be framed and hung on the walls.  For nursery décor, I wanted something simple and eclectic with a few splashes of colour. I wasn’t interested in anything too “matchy”, and I wanted a place for everything, with a forest theme as the basis for our decorating choices.

We were lucky to have a beautiful crib and a change table donated by two of the families at the school. These pieces suit the space really nicely, and were in beautiful condition. We’ve re-purposed a small grey cupboard with doors for baby linens and bibs, and I made it a bit less somber with some adorable decals that my parents got for us. Instead of a dresser, we hung some fabric organizers in the closet and stocked them with baby clothes. The futon will stay in baby’s room for guests (until Noah moves in there when he’s older) or for sick baby nights when one of the parents needs to be near by. I’m going to recover the dark grey with something more cheerful, like red, and I’m working on a very whimsical flannel rag quilt to add some colour there. I promise to post some images once the nursery is complete.

Some friends who had things to pass along have given us baby slings and wooden toys in mint condition. We’re trying to create a more “Waldorf” space for all of the children, but staying away from plastic and commercial toys. Early in my pregnancy, I made a monthly date with my mom out of raiding Value Village for clothes and shoes and accessories for baby. I scored four pairs of mint Robee shoes for $3 a pop (retail is $40) and a brand new Baby Gap newborn snowsuit for $10. Then I put the call out on Facebook to anyone who might have some baby boy clothes that they would like to get rid of. This resulted in so many bins of clothing that we’ve had to store half of it with my in-laws.  I meticulously washed and sorted everything by size, keeping only the newborn to six-month items at home for now.

Daddy compromised on his stroller choice, and selected a much more reasonably priced Britax B-Agile model that handles like a dream. My parents generously purchased this for us. Mama S’ family surprised us with the Mamma Roo chair which doubles as a swing. We’d registered for a less expensive version of both chair and swing, but this elegant splurge was very welcome, and it’s so compact and sleek it looks very handsome in our living space. Daddy’s family bought us the Skip Hop crib set I indulged in on our registry. I knew if this wasn’t a gift item, then we’d find a cheaper alternative, and I’d already made four crib sheets, but I really loved the Treetop Friends pattern. (See this great blog for crib sheet instructions – so easy!)  We ended up getting TWO sets because of my very generous cousin, so now one of these will help us buy our very extensively researched Britax Chaperone car seat.

We’ve still got one shower to look forward to this weekend with all of our wonderful friends. Once that fun has been had, we’ll fill out the rest of our needs by shopping online and shipping to our UPS inbox in Niagara Falls NY. The trip across the border is worth the incredible savings to be had by shopping online.

How did you cut corners and save on costs when your little ones arrived?