Next Wednesday, the movers arrive to pack our home in a truck and we’ll leave our life in the city behind. I’m not sure that I’m totally ready to do that.

We grow so attached to the places we call home, don’t we? This house we’ve been renting is filled with our memories. Hannah started grade one our first fall here, so much smaller than she is now. We’ve been here long enough for Ayla to move through kindergarten and into grade one herself. I laboured with Noah in this house, treading the creaking floors and writhing in our claw foot tub. We’ve shared so many meals, movie nights, weekend housekeeping parties and memories here. It was the first home the three of us had together. The city has been such a huge part of my identity well before I began writing this blog, it’s hard to imagine myself not connected to it in some way. What will become of me when I no longer have over-priced cafes within walking distance, or any of those other things that I’ve come to associate with city life?

Yesterday I had some dental work done, and I hate visiting the dentist so absolutely. We tried Nitrous Oxide for the first time to help take the edge off, and it was nice, but not what I was hoping for. I was imagining more of a trip, but it really just felt like dental work after cocktail hour. Relaxing a little bit more did allow me to go on a little journey… I tried to distract myself by thinking about things that make me happy, and of all the things in my life that I enjoy, none can compare to the time spent with my children and our family. Simple moments together, doing anything, are the moments that I cherish most. As I lay there listening to the high-pitched scream of the dental tools grinding away at my teeth, I wanted to hold my baby and watch my daughters try to make him laugh. Sacrificing life in the city to take stock of our business, save some money, pay down some debt, and make a new plan for moving forward will allow so much more time with our children. Our decision to homeschool will create such freedom and flexibility. If Daddy and I can dream up income streams that require all three parents to work from home, we really will be living the life we dream of – one where we can experience the wide world with our kids and work from anywhere. Each and every decision I make needs to be one that makes my family better. These decisions need to give us more time together, and enrich the quality of the time we spend. I need to make sure I’m my best self, so that I can give them my best, and so that as they grow older they will remember this time we have together and know how much they were loved. All of these things I cling to, trying to make a mark in the world – my writing, my performing – none of them are as important as the mark I make on my children. This morning, I carried my computer upstairs from the breakfast table to my room so I could get some quiet work done. A quarter into this post, I got stuck, knowing what I wanted to say but not sure how to frame it. I distracted myself by sending an overdue email to my theatre troupe, and then Nekky came with a soft knock at my door. He showed me this video, and it said everything I’d been trying to say. Life does not begin after we’ve paid off a credit card. Life is not when we get that job we’ve been dreaming of. Life is not when we’ve saved enough, or when we can finally take off and travel. Our life is now. Noisy breakfast tables, nap times with grandma, towers of boxes packed with memories, sleepless nights, feverish toddlers, sticky fingers and homemade popsicles. My home will be rich and rewarding no matter where it is as long as the five people I love the most are in it with me. Our memories are made every second of each day, and the greatest thing we can do for our children and ourselves is remember that at least once a day. Thanks Daddy, and Stephen for the beautiful reminder today.

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