June 27th, 2013
On Tuesday evening I drove away from our Toronto home for the last time. I peered over the tower of laundry that kept Noodle and I company in the back seat and felt such a strange mixture of wistfulness and excitement. The city will always be in my blood, but I’m excited to leave it and move on to new and exciting things that await under the canopy of green in the country.
Three days after our moving date, we’ve completely moved in. The contents of our four bedroom house in the city would not fit in the 26’ moving truck we hired, so Daddy and Chacha had to make several trips back and forth with our van to complete the job. What an epic task it’s been! Those guys deserve a relaxing Saturday here, for sure.
Mama S and I held down the fort here, first unpacking the girls’ room, and then tackling our own rooms. I’m one of those maniacs who will stay up all night unpacking because I cannot stand to live in chaos and boxes. Alas, I am prevented from such ideas by the amount of energy required to tend an eight-month old. I managed to unpack all of my clothes, Noah’s things, and Mama S’ clothes yesterday despite this. Daddy’s mum, our Amma worked away at consolidating food and kitchen items while cooking some amazing food. She’s a tour de force that lady! I think I should feature some of her recipes here because her cooking really is out of this world.
It feels good to be here. I don’t feel any of the strange displacement that I was expecting, and maybe that’s because I’ve grown so familiar with this house. Daddy’s family is so wonderful and warm, it’s hardly an adjustment to be sharing space with them.
The girls love their new room. It’s big and bright and they have a working fireplace! I picked up some new big-girl bedding for them at Ikea and they spent the entire day in there yesterday reading Archie comics. I actually thought they were outside because they were so quiet.
We’ve talked a lot with them about how settling into a new home is a process, even if that home is a familiar place. Hannu in particular has been stressed by all of the boxes and mess because she shares my love of neatness and order. We’re working like ants, just a little at a time, to set up our home and merge our households.
Daddy was a bit disgusted by the volume of our stuff. I think the move had inspired him to reduce more clutter, which is wonderful. It’s really astonishing how we amass so much and tell ourselves we need all of these things. My weakness is my sentimentality – I have a lot of keepsakes that I can’t bear to part with, but I’ve managed to fill two huge bags of stuff to donate while unpacking, and I swear this is not just an excuse to visit the local thrift shop!
We’ll get it all done, and likely most of it will be done this week. Meanwhile, my morning coffee is calling me, and I can’t wait to sit at the picture window in the kitchen and stare out at the fields and forest. It feels so right to wake up in the morning and see so much green. I love this place. Yesterday we were treated to a huge young deer and a coyote frolicking in the field. It seemed like they were pals, they were so comfortable with each other, and the girls were thrilled to have the binoculars out, watching the action.
Today is our first day home all together, but Mama S and I are heading back to the city this evening for dinner and a show. I never imagined the move in would take so long, and I got us tickets to the latest Boylesque T.O. show. It will be nice to take a little break from the boxes, and she and I rarely get to hang out just the two of us. There will be many evenings to spend as a family in our new place, eating lively meals around the big table in the kitchen, and chasing the kids up and down the huge driveway.
So far, this country life suits me well.
The Noodle will soon have a new sofa
to play on.
On Tuesday evening I drove away from our Toronto home for the last time. I peered over the tower of laundry that kept Noodle and I company in the back seat and felt such a strange mixture of wistfulness and excitement. The city will always be in my blood, but I’m excited to leave it and move on to new and exciting things.
Our house on Bedford Road was the first home the three of us shared together. (Click here if you require an explanation for ‘the three of us’.) We’ve had our share of fond memories in this house, but we’ve also had a great deal of sorrow. It isn’t easy to reinvent the wheel, and we’ve had to learn a lot of things the hard way. Hearts have been badly broken in that house, and the repair continues to this day.
Our little girls went on to their new country home on Sunday with their grandparents, but before we said goodbye, we lit a small candle in the centre of our living room and made a little circle. We all held hands and encouraged the girls to share some happy memories of their home, and had them say a final goodbye. It was very sweet – all of their memories are wonderful ones – and they got a little choked up. I think they were mostly interested in seeing which of the grown ups would cry first. Of course it was me.
I felt bittersweet. Happy that so many of their memories were precious, and sad that my own experience of our home was double-edged. Each configuration of our adult relationships has dissolved at one point under that roof, and not all of those relationships have been restored in the same way.
I can say with confidence that all of our grown up relationships are better than they have ever been. I can say that we have created much more emotional safety and security for all of us. It’s no secret that this path has been hard, and heart wrenching. I think the key reason for our struggle was lack of knowledge. Even with a few clever books, we didn’t really have a roadmap, and the best road map in the world is useless if you don’t know yourself.
Therapy and determination are the only reasons why my family is together today, and stronger than ever. Even in the midst of the darkest hours of chaos and pain, I could feel in my soul that our paths were meant to be together, and I think I must have shared that feeling because here we all are. Without the guidance of our wonderful therapist, I don’t think I ever would have found the courage to fight for what I wanted, which was our family, together.
I’m not so very religious anymore, but the way our relationship has persisted against all odds has taught me a kind of faith that is greater to me than the faith of religion. It’s a devotion that is tangible and real, something I can see and feel every day in the smiles of our children and the warmth of our home, wherever it may be.
251 Bedford Road is growing mushrooms in the basement. Our old house grew a baby in my belly. The bricks and mortar sheltered Hannu and Aylu as they grew several inches and many miles in maturity. Our city house at the corner of a busy street grew our three souls into three separate worlds that unite beautifully and peacefully shelter their own stratosphere. These worlds continue to revolve, and we pilgrims continue to discover the richness of our strange and wonderful shores.
Thank you city for starting me out on this amazing journey.
I’m hiding behind these to write. It looks like I’m packing!
This week we were consumed with wrapping up school and packing up the juggernaut that is our kitchen. Both of these tasks have made me cry. I’m feeling very sad to leave our lovely, warm Waldorf community, and I hate moving so much I want to click my heels and reappear some time in mid-July.
Last night I had a dream that I tripped going down our stairs and broke my ankle, and was therefore exempt from any further packing, sorting, or organizing. This was not a nightmare. Not at all.
There were a few choice items that we reserved while packing the kitchen. Items that I am certain will save us (me) from the stress of moving. Behold, my list of moving survival items that you really shouldn’t pack:
The coffee grinder, kettle, coffee press and moka pot. My children are nine years, seven years and eight months old and all three of them know not to ask Mama C any questions before she’s had her morning coffee. There is no possible way I could face the wall of boxes that is our new home décor feature without a serious java injection.
The Blendtec blender. Seriously the best blender ever made, and worth every penny. We use it every day for Kale shakes, baby food, and frosty beverages. I don’t think we would know what to do without it anymore. Our little universe would collapse upon itself and it would be coarse and chunky instead of smooth, so smooth.
The popsicle freezer mold. You know what keeps ramped up children occupied happily outside for several minutes? Something frozen on a stick. We like to make our own popsicles and creamsicles using pure fruit juices, blended frozen fruit, yogurt and/or cream. I would be lying if I said these were only for the kids.
The bottle opener. This is for beer or wine as needed. We require beer, in particular, on a daily basis these days, but I’m being a very responsible mama and drinking only gluten-free beer.
The wine vacuum pump and stoppers. Please see above. Hello? Sangria anyone?? Oooohh, Sangria POPSICLES! I’m a GENIUS!
The muddler. Because it’s mojito season. These would also make fan-freaking-tastic popsicles. I think we better get another freezer mold.
The entire contents of the candy basket. There seems to be an unspoken agreement between the grown ups to end each day by working through the contents of this basket while watching The Walking Dead.
The jug of popcorn. Daddy just knew not to send this along to the Niagara house. The Mamas may have a small popcorn addiction.
Paper plates and plastic cutlery. We’re going to be eating a lot of finger foods here on in, and soon we won’t even have room to open our dishwasher drawer. It’s not the most environmentally conscious choice, but the alternative is to really put the mental in environmental.
The Ibuprofen. Self-explanatory.
First aid kit. If I’m using any kind of sharp edge while taping up boxes, we will put the first aid kit to use, mark my words.
The take out menus for Thai, pizza, and sushi. I think that we’ll get through the rest of the contents of our fridge/freezer in a week, which leaves another week of eating before our moving date. Why should I cook when delicious take-out is just a phone call away?
Garbage bags. At this point, I’d like to put everything in them, leave them on the curb and be done with it all. Did I mention that I hate moving?
Friends, I need your super easy dinner solutions! Please comment here with recipes and ideas, particularly for kid-friendly gluten-free options.
Also, what are the few kitchen items you couldn’t live without leading up to the final days of getting ready to move?
I hate moving, which is hard to believe when you consider how nomadic I’ve been over the last several years. I think the longest I’ve stayed in any place at one time is about three years, and of course there is the hilarious number of times I moved in and out of the Fortress of Solitude. (I had an apartment leased by my friend’s parents that I moved into no less than three times, each after a breakup. They, thankfully, managed to keep their eyebrows at a level position over all of this.)
I suppose having so many moves under my belt has honed my skills when it comes to packing and purging, but moving a house of six people plus a business may be my greatest challenge yet. By that I mean, I’d really rather crawl into bed with a stack of books and a thermos of gin and watermelon slush and re-surface when it’s over. It’s hard to not feel overwhelmed, and I will admit to some actual tears being shed over the volume of work ahead. (Read near-daily mental breakdowns, particularly in conjunction with PMS.)
These last couple of months have been beyond stressful with several years of income taxes to prep and file for two businesses, some hard decisions to make about our life, and now the spectre of purging and moving looming again. Add to that cocktail a teething baby, and mama NEEDS some cocktails to get through it all. My good friends at the LCBO are on a first name basis, and have started giving out cookies to my kids with each visit. Kidding. Sort of.
Here are my patented Playboy Mommy-tested tips for tackling a move:
• Whenever possible, book your move for mid-week. Movers charge more on weekends. Also, avoid the end of the month, if you ever can. We have gotten very, very lucky here and sometimes you’ll find sympathetic landlords. It never hurts to ask about the possibility of moving in a little early, especially when displaying your cleavage.
• Collect boxes from places like No-Frills or your local grocery store. Small to medium sized boxes are easiest to manage. The liquor store is a gold mine for these (I should know). Make friends with your store manager (Hi Chris!), and find out the best days and times to pick boxes up.
• Grab stacks of those free newspapers that seem abundant in the city, (especially the stupid, elitist ones who no matter how hard you’ve tried over the last ten years, refused to write about your theatre company) or save any newspapers you may have at home. You’ll need them for packing fragile stuff. Grab felt sheets from the dollar store for packing precious dishes. The felt is nice to layer between plates to make sure they don’t scratch/chip.
• Go room-by-room and purge, purge, purge. Take this opportunity to turf any clothes you haven’t worn, books you’ve already read, accessories that are collecting dust, and useless knick knacks. Be critical and don’t let yourself hang on to things you don’t need and aren’t using. You’ll be so happy to lighten your load, especially at the end of the day when you get the bill from the movers. You can either sell your stuff or donate it to charity. Some charities, like the Diabetes Association, will even come to you to pick stuff up!
• Plan to have a yard sale just before you move. Put prices on stuff as you pack them into labeled boxes for your sale. Think of cute and clever ways to get rid of things. For example, we packed collections of the girls junky little items into brown paper bags that we stapled shut and labeled ‘surprise bags’ and we hope to sell these for a dollar each. It was easy to convince the girls to part with lots of their old toys and such by telling them they could keep the profits from their sales, and I’m hoping that their adorableness will help move more goods. In some instances, I am in favor of child labor. More yard sale tips in a forthcoming post.
• Before you start packing everything up, take photos of each room of your house for posterity. This is a great idea, especially if you have kids. It will mean something to them to be able to look back on where they’ve lived, and it will be amusing for you to have at least one photo of each room really clean and clear of clutter.
• Pack fragile items carefully, with lots of extra padding. Movers aren’t always as gentle as one might hope. Especially if you’ve made the brilliant decision to offer them some brewskies. Lesson learned.
• Label your boxes. I once used a floor plan and a color-coding system with corresponding labels so that our movers would know where each item went. This worked for about half an hour, and then they stopped giving a shit. I once had a colleague who insisted that all movers were ex-cons who couldn’t get work elsewhere, so perhaps my expectations were too high. I was disappointed, but the system was useful for us later. I think a less crazy-lady alternative would be to label each box on two sides with the room it will belong to and a brief description of the contents. I find it useful to add a star to any of the items you will need quick access to once you’ve landed at the next residence and you can ask the former criminals to keep those boxes accessible. There is a slim chance that they might not look at you like they want to strangle you. Eek.
• Pace yourself. Try to do a bit each day, rather than leave it all to the last minute. Make a fun afternoon project (complete with treats and grown-up drinks) of big rooms like the kitchen.
• Enlist helpers! Kids love to get involved in home projects, and some of your family and friends can be drafted too. Even if you’ve used up your quota for packing help (for a lifetime), maybe your friends can keep the kids busy at the park so that they aren’t under foot. (Ahem…wink, wink). Pet sitting will also be a huge help, if you have a pet. Or a husband who hates packing.
• Pack a last minute box with toiletries, sheets for each bed, pjs, books, towels, etc. This should basically be an overnight bag that includes something to sleep on and shower with. Count on sleeping on mattresses on the floor.
• Expect moving day to be long! Usually double the length you had imagined. Provide snacks (for everyone, including the movers), make a dinner plan that is very low maintenance and keep the refreshments flowing (DO NOT GIVE THE MOVERS ALCOHOL until they are finished, and then limit them to one cold beer. Try to have fun (I know…easier said…) and remember that the kids don’t know that moving seriously sucks.
• If you can afford a cleaning service to clean the place you are moving to ahead of the movers, do this. It is money well spent. Be sure to budget time and energy to do a decent cleaning of the place you’re leaving, and build good moving karma. Don’t leave your crap behind for the new tenants either. I’ve actually arrived at new residences to find closets full of clothes and dirt caked all over the kitchen and bathroom. Yes, I cried.
• Don’t rush to get all of the unpacking done, and definitely enlist the kids for this one. It will be really empowering for them to help set up the new space. Think of it like a ritual to claim your new home. In fact, if you’re a closet tree-hugger like me, you could even do a ceremonial sweep and sage smudge.
So in summary, here is what I’ve learned over a total of fifteen moves in as many years; keep it fun, especially for the kids, use alcohol to maintain your sense of humor (unless you are driving or operating a forklift), remember that some movers might be ex-cons, throw out your crap before you move it to yet another home where it will sit untouched, and DO NOT give your movers booze. Also, don’t forget to bring the dog with you.
Do feel free to share your moving tips! I can use all the help I can get.