Throw Out Those Goddamned Jeans

You know you have a pair. They either used to fit you perfectly, before life had it’s way with you and changed your shape and size, or they never quite fit, but oh how you wish they did. I’m telling you now, get rid of them. Throw out those goddamned jeans.

And while you’re at it, get rid of that cocktail dress, that tiny bikini, and anything else that you believe is a motivating factor in your health and wellness plan. It’s bullshit of the highest order, and it’s the same kind of bullshit that the media is choking us with every single day. The kind that teaches us to loathe ourselves so we’ll buy more crap that will make us better. Crap can’t make us better, friends.

The next time you have cash to spare, buy yourself something pretty (clothes, not shoes) that fits you right now, and keep on keeping on. Your reward for caring more about your health and fitness should be longevity and feeling better, and if you happen to change sizes along the way, by all means buy clothes that fit you well, but don’t under any circumstances buy into the twisted lie that you only deserve to look attractive or fashionable if you could “just be a size…whatever.”

If you are truly stylish, you should be able to pull off colour and drama and interesting tailoring no mater what size you are. If your clothes don’t fit, get rid of them. If you don’t think you can wear something until you’re a different size, you probably can’t because you won’t have the confidence to rock whatever that particular article happens to be.

Keep on the path to increased physical activity, less sugar and starch, more vegetables, less red meat and pre-packaged foods. You deserve great health, even more than you deserve pretty things to wear. Keep motivated by appreciating the increased energy you have to spend on the activities and experiences you truly love.

You stayed within your calorie count three out of five days so far this week, you got up early and exercised twice, you drank lots of water every day, but then on a lark you tried to wear those stiff-ass jeggings that claim to have lycra (lies) and by three o’clock the clasp exploded open and you cried for ten minutes in the bathroom stall at Costco. All that hard work, and you still can’t squeeze yourself into the jeans. Take a breather sister and ask yourself “Who’s the real enemy here?” Is it your baby belly, the last vestiges of your body’s miracle of creating life, or is it those goddamned, painted on size whatever jeans that can only be a size whatever in a country where people can’t count?

You know I’m right. Untuck your shirt, let the belly hang out, and find something that fits your fine ass properly. You will never  succeed if you keep knocking yourself down.


My Four Hour Body


Here’s a classic example of a slow-carb lunch.

This mama needs to kick it into high gear to create her ideal thirty-seven-year-old body. This means some drastic measures, which I took as of last Monday, August 12th. The parents in our house all began Tim Ferris’ The Four Hour Body food plan, which we’d experienced with great success a year or so ago. When you do it properly, it really works, but like all health and fitness, the great challenge is in getting the ball rolling.

The thing I like about Four Hour Body is that I can eat as much as I want of the recommended foods, and those foods are wonderfully healthy. I don’t feel hungry, and after getting over the one-and-a-half to two-week period where I’m tormented by sugar withdrawal, I actually feel fantastic. This plan also allows one day of eating anything I want in any quantity I can manage. That’s a huge bonus because I don’t feel like I’m deprived of so many foods I love, and I LOVE food.

When we began two weeks ago I weighed in at 143 lbs. My bust was 34″, hips were 39″, and waist was 32″. My waist is my primary reason for getting my ass in gear. I gain all of my weight there, and studies have proven that those of us who collect most of our fat around our middles are at highest risk for all kinds of disease. We’ve also completely stopped exercising. We were so great with lifting weights every day, and I’m longing to return to this when poor Daddy has more time to spot me. Meanwhile, I’m trying my darndest to fit some yoga in while Noodle is napping in the mornings.

What’s the deal with the Four Hour Body? Well, there is some great science behind it that utilizes the way our bodies metabolize foods. Basically, six days a week I’m limited to:

Any legumes (except chickpeas)
All veggies (except potatoes, sweet potatoes, and squash)
Cottage cheese (the only dairy)
Any meat
Any nut
LOTS of water
My usual two – three cups of coffee (with a splash of coconut milk, a dash of cinnamon, and a bit of stevia) per day
One or two glasses of red wine or (less frequently) very dry white wine

Not bad, right?

This kind of eating is best described as “slow carb”, based on foods that have a low glycemic index.

Here’s the very best part, though. On one day (we chose Saturdays) we can eat ANYTHING we want in ANY QUANTITY. This ensures our bodies don’t go into starvation mode, and this actually helps spike our metabolism. We call this day “Free Day”, and sometimes I jot down my cravings so I can be sure to satisfy them on free day. Two weeks into this lifestyle change, I’ve stopped craving junk, and look to treats like cheese, good chocolate, yogurt and fruit to indulge in on Free Day.

Interested? Here’s a link to the Four Hour Body website and a slow carb recipe site to get you started. I’ll keep you posted about how I’m doing with these big changes. So far, at the start of week three I haven’t lost a single pound, or an inch to speak of, but I feel good, and my clothes are fitting differently.

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