This One’s For You, Robbie M.


A visit from good friends had me in tears in my kitchen last night, but let me back up a little.

In the fashion of all great deadbeats, I’ve vanished from your lives again. Maybe you didn’t notice. Maybe you’re rolling your eyes at the suggestion that you would notice my complete and utter lack of writing. I’ve noticed, and as usual, I’ve been hurting from the absence of words to share. I’m a deadbeat. I’m owning it, and it’s hurting me more than it’s hurting you.

My excuses are almost always good. I went through a huge and cathartic reckoning where I had to account for some pretty heavy-duty shortcomings, and make amends with some pretty important people. That shit ain’t easy. It’s humbling, and painful, and it’s private, so I couldn’t really share the details. It took the piss out of me, and left with this raw combo of self-hatred, and newly acquired self-love. The latter is so weird and unfamiliar, that I had to constantly work at it to scrape through the few weeks leading up to the next big thing.

We moved. We’re still in the country, far away from city life, but now my nuclear family has a home of our own. There were bountiful blessings living with our in-laws, but it was most definitely time to find our own home, and it’s the perfect home for our unique family. What a gift from the Universe! Our pre-teen daughters get their own bedrooms and bathrooms (Hallelujah!) our little boy gets his own room and mommy has a private grown up bed again, and we all have a beautiful pool to enjoy. Hosting friends in our own space is a healing that I didn’t even know I needed. The house is wonderful, but this big change is not without some growing pains. For example:

I haven’t really slept well since mid May. Life stress leading up to the move, and trying to transition Noodle into his own bed has taken it’s toll. I need some great strategies to help transition this little guy so that he can sleep on his own, and I need a full night’s rest.

The dog is making us crazy. She’s SUPER high energy, very mouthy, not yet housebroken, and deaf. The children are somewhat terrified of her, because she’s drawn blood from all of us. I  bit off way more than I can chew here, I realize. It’s in my nature to throw my hands up from this frustration and walk away before I can reap the benefits of a mature relationship that has weathered the shit storm, in this case of puppy hood. I will fight that nature, because I really hate my ‘run for cover’ impulses, and I’ve committed to giving this dog a better life. She’s so beautiful, and when she looks at me with those hazel eyes…well, I’m keenly aware that neither of us are going anywhere. Sorry daddy, you’re just going to have to deal with this unruly fur baby of ours.

We’ve radically changed our diet and lifestyle. Our whole family has given up carbs of all kinds and sugars of all kinds. The adults stay below 30 net carbs per day, and our kids only get sugar from berries. No more wheat, grains, rice, etc. All gone. For just over two months now. A huge change, and I’ll tell you more about it in future posts. Why such radical change? Basically because the excessive amount of sugar in our diets is killing us, the information we are fed about ‘proper nutrition’ is a lie created by big agricultural corporations, and because I want to live as long as I can, in the very best shape I can be in. Reading, listening to podcasts and finding and cooking new recipes has eaten up so much time, but it’s been so very worth it.

But all of this is bullshit, isn’t it? There will always be excuses for why I don’t write, and I’ll never realize my dreams if I continue to cower behind life. Something else is always going on, but in the midst of this, there will always be time to write. If I don’t write it’s because I’m afraid. It’s because I’m succumbing to that external voice that tells me I have no right, that I have nothing to say.

I’m sorry that I fell into that well again. I’m sorry I haven’t been a better blogger. I’m sorry my novel is gathering dust, and that I judged all of those women in my last writing class for continuing to hammer away at the manuscripts they’d been working on for years. This writing business is unbelievably hard when I’m not doing it, and effortlessly easy when I am. It’s not easy to be a great writer, let’s be clear, it’s easy to find the words. They flow like honey, and I can barely type fast enough to catch this.

And so, in my kitchen last night, when my friend shared how much his brother enjoyed my writing, and was missing my posts, his brother who I never would have pegged in a million years as the kind of person who would like my style, I was moved to tears. My writer’s ego is huge and fragile. I realized in that moment that this guy is exactly the kind of guy I want to get to with my words. The kind of girl he would marry is the kind of girl I want to reach with my fiction. I felt like I was getting just the kick in the ass that I needed to pick up where I left off here.

So Robbie, this one’s for you. Thanks for reading, I appreciate it more than you can ever know.



Juggling Babies

Noah isn't so sure about his Easter chocolate

Noah isn’t so sure about his Easter chocolate

Holy god you guys! All I want to do is write, and write, and share interesting content with you. I want to give you tidbits from our life, share my heart and soul, and learn you about interesting new ideas and products. I want to do so many things, BUT WHERE THE HELL DO I FIND THE TIME? Spreading myself between blogs, homeschool, and family life is like juggling babies!

Our new blog is exciting, and fun, and the focus is sharper. It’s easier to come up with material for a parenting blog, because the inspiration seems to be everywhere, but here is where my heart lies. Here where I first started dreaming, here where I first imagined the family I would one day thrive in. Here is where I can relax, but right now I feel like the well is a little dry.

I’m missing this place of my universe, and all of the fun new tricks I learned working on the new blog are begging to be applied here. I need to find some kind of time management key to the universe. I can’t freaking wait until Tim Ferris has kids, so he can tell me what the hell to do.

Meanwhile, know that I love you, and I miss you. If you want to be a big help, please send me some topics you want me to write about. Or ask me for some advice, preferably not on multi-tasking.

Kisses on your nose,


Back in Action

You may have noticed that I’ve been very negligent about posting. My schedule got a bit hectic, and I was offline for most of the week before last completing a driver’s ed crash course with a room full of teenagers. Then, last week we had swim lessons every morning. I missed my day at mom’s dedicated to work, and everything bloggy fell by the wayside.

I suppose I could have found the time to write, and I know I would have had back up from my partners for this, but I will admit that I fell into a little bit of a funk. Sometimes I get caught in this yucky head space where I feel like I really don’t have anything important to say, and I start to think that this whole blog business is masturbatory fluff. It becomes impossible to feel motivated to write, and when I try that doubtful voice in my head is louder than any ideas I might have for posts.

So, what changed? Well, I took my hump day trip to mom’s for one. I have ten hours of mostly uninterrupted writing/working time so  I can create posts for the entire week. My big motivation came from Google though. Back when I re-launched this blog under the Playboy Mommy moniker, I was a disappointing page seven with Google search. Now, I’ve shot up to page one! Thank you for visiting and helping move things to critical mass.

There are at least two hundred of you who are reading every time I post, and I hope to see that number multiply, but I’m so grateful for your interest and support. I really do mean it when I say I want to write for you, so I hope you’ll keep sending me ideas for posts you’d like to read.

Meanwhile, let’s take a quick look at some of my favourite photos from my phone since we last met. This is a little journalistic idea that I borrowed from the wonderful Pioneer Woman, Ree Drummond. These photos were chosen for the memories they evoke, and not necessarily for their awesome composition. That’s Mama S’ department!

waking up

We just woke up and feel as grainy as this photo looks.

An outdoor stage

The stage we created for Hannah and Ayla’s theatrical production. Stay tuned for a post about creating theatre with kids!


Uncle Kyle holds up our play structure while Mama S and Daddy secure the bolts.

Baby in a mini muskoka chair

Noodle enjoys some time outdoors relaxing in his favourite chair.

Family at the Falls

Hannah and Ayla at Niagara Falls with cousins Locke and Cache, visiting from B.C.

Noah helps us shop for my birthday party.

Noah helps us shop for my birthday party.