Today is one of those days when I wish my brain had a mute button. The older I get, the more I realize that I am the type of person who simply can’t shut off their head. My thoughts will sometimes take over any and all ability to live in the moment, and enjoy what’s happening around me.
This only feels tiresome when my head is dwelling on strange things; questions that remain unanswered; issues that are unresolved; things I feel anxious about; unpleasant feelings that I wish were not there. Maybe it’s the stress of moving, or the current phase of the moon, or perhaps it’s because I caved and had a slice of toast at breakfast – but I’m really having a day. Days like this make me long for a Batcave, where I can hide out until the clouds pass and I’m feeling sunny again.
A mute button would be stellar. By the time I un-muted, whatever these strange feelings are will have passed, and I’d feel positive and secure again. That’s what I can easily boil it down to – insecurity. Perhaps I wish that I could just mute insecurity?
I feel, in my weakest moments, like I have really obscure edges and angles and there will be no puzzle that I’ll ever fit comfortably into. Like just as I’ve eased in, the slightest jostle or change of temperature will cause me to pop back out again, back into the land of “just not fitting”.
Perhaps an early evening nap will fix everything.
Off I go then…