Cat Skinner Club

What Size is Sexy?

Madmen's Christina Hendricks

Dear Mommy,

I’m a 20-something female who feels sexy even though I’m well above a size 8 and have no trouble waking up beside a handsome fella. Feeling sexy or just feeling good about myself has been a constant struggle since childhood, but coming into my full-bodied adult life I now see that skinny doesn’t always mean sexy. 

A very single, very sexy guy I was talking to the other day said that short dresses and model-bodies aren’t sexy if the personality wearing them is that of a house fly, but a voluptuous woman, confident and comfortable in her own skin, can be nothing but sexy.

Ladies and gents are just as insecure as the other, so please, Playboy Mommy, do what you do best and give us a taste of what’s sexy, the unconventional way.

 

Ms Loves Her Lady Lumps


Dear Lady Lumps,

This note gave me pause. Have I been doing a bad job representing the women I’m hoping to inspire and empower?

So many of the photos I choose for my Freaky Friday posts feature model-types. I love fashion, and fashion photography, and want to celebrate the talented artists who shine in that industry, but sadly that industry is still in the habit of perpetuating entirely unattainable, false beauty standards. It’s no secret that very few people are actually able to be so thin by nature’s own hand, and I want this blog, and all of my work, to really resonate with everyone who visits here. It should be said that by no means do I think that only a women who can fit into a size 0 is attractive, or sexy. In fact, I think it’s truly fucked up that size 0 even exists. Why would anyone aspire to NOTHING?? I feel confidant that the rest of the real world feels that way too, and I hope that this particular post inspires an interesting dialogue here.

I’m not talking about perpetuating a society that promotes obesity either. Either end of the scale (pardon the pun) is too extreme and both need to be painted as the unhealthy, seriously physically and psychologically damaging lifestyle choices that they are. The fact is, real women come in all shapes and sizes, and even when we take measures to eat healthy and exercise regularly, a size six might even be impossible for some of us. Does that mean we should sacrifice our sensuality or sexuality? Absofuckin’lutely not. In an ongoing effort to acknowledge and celebrate every reader’s sexuality, here are some Internet finds that are for bold, bodacious, real-figured women and the people who love them.

Thank you Lady for speaking up!

Sizzling Lingerie Sites

Shockingly, this ad was deemed too risque for a host of networks. The same networks who air Victoria’s Secret ads without hesitation. Makes you think, doesn’t it? I think the gal in the ad is scrumptious.

The web is a sea of resources, but after an afternoon of careful poking around, here are some of my favorite lingerie sites for women with serious curves:

Secrets in Lace

Angelique

Hips and Curves

Sites with great “plus-size” sections:

Oh Cheri

Trashy (only up to size 14)

Further Inspiration

Here are a few additional resources, tidbits, and morsels from the web:

This compelling segment from the Ellen show features four of the most popular plus-size models in the fashion industry, and some really promising words from Glamour magazine. This popular fashion magazine has made a pledge to its readers to feature a real variety of body types in it’s pages. It’s about time someone did.

The Curvy Life is a blog I stumbled on that I think is really brilliant. It’s good reading for any woman, and a really positive, beautifully laid-out site. Here’s their mission statement:

It’s The Curvy Life’s mission is to empower women to stand in the full power of their bodies and to embrace their beautiful curves, no matter the size. It’s time to create a culture of body love, so GET YOUR CURVE ON!

Plus Model Magazine is the premiere magazine celebrating and inspiring the plus size fashion, beauty, arts and plus size modeling industries. Check out their blog and subscribe online here.

 

Gallery of Gorgeousness

Finally, here are some smokin’ hot pics of some of my favorite buxom beauties. For more incredible beauty, check out Plus Models

Natalie Laughlin

Maggie Brown

Barbara Brickner

Crystal Renn

Kate Dillon

Mia Tyler

Toccara Jones

Whitney Thompson

Christina Hendricks

There’s so many more gorgeous curvy women in the media! Tell us who your favourite buxom babe is.


Ask Playboy Mommy

Tug of War www.paulvanginkel.com

Tug of War www.paulvanginkel.com

Dear Mommy,

I’m in a fairly new polyamorous relationship with my husband and my lesbian partner. Do you have couples nights? I feel like I am walking a tight rope trying to keep both partners happy and if one of them isn’t annoyed with me the other one is! I had an emotional meltdown the other night and really hope you can help.

Sincerely,

M

Dearest M,

I remember the early days of my relationship with my partners. We were all so excited and fond of each other that none of us wanted to impose any formal rules, and boundaries felt like a rude barrier to our organic love fest. We wanted things to flow freely, but instead we created was a shit storm of weird feelings and jealousy that haunts us all to this day.

Make no mistake; turning the conventional relationship model on its ear will challenge the nerves of even the steeliest soul. We are doing everything differently than the relationship models we grew up with. I don’t think this means we shouldn’t challenge convention to make our lives richer, but I do think it means we ought to be realistic about what we expect of each other and ourselves.

At some point in a polyamorous relationship, everyone is going to feel jealous. Anyone who tells you they haven’t felt that way is lying to you. We are conditioned to feel jealousy from our very early days in our culture that constantly encourages us to focus on what we don’t have. The media perpetually reminds us that we aren’t enough. Throw the dynamics of your family of origin into that special sauce and we are easily turned into green-eyed monsters. Jealousy will happen. Be patient and forgiving with yourself and your lovers. Let those jealous feelings come, but don’t wallow in them. When you feel them, find something you love to do and do it immediately. Force yourself to reflect on all of the abundance in your life; after all you have TWO people who adore you! You must be awesome. (Do share that idea with your partners too so they don’t have to feel bad about jealousy).

Your relationship with everyone in your life will only be as healthy as your relationship with yourself. This is why I’m a huge proponent of therapy, which is a long process, but the best gift you’ll ever give yourself. There are also some practical measures you can implement to help your poly life flow smoothly.

Make a Schedule

Divide the week like this; time for your man, time for your lady, time for yourself, time for the grown ups, time for the whole family. Before you panic at how insane that seems consider this sample schedule:

Alternate your nights between your two partners. On these nights, you can enjoy a date night out when your budget permits. One of the best things about poly life is that if one pair wants some time out, there’s always a great sitter! Spontaneity comes with what you decide to do with your alone time with your partner.

If possible, and if your space permits, spend at least one night a week on your own. If you can’t spend a night sleeping on your own, make absolutely sure you are carving out time to just have some alone space. If you can afford the space in your home, each adult should have just a little nook to call his or her own.

Spend some time in the evenings with both of your partners doing the things you enjoy, even things as simple as vegging out with your favourite TV show. Encourage your partners to spend time together without you there so they can get to know each other better. Reserve one day on the weekend for family day and chose simple, fun activities to enjoy together. If you have kids, family day should be focused around them and their needs. Keep family ties strong by insisting on family dinners all together, and bed time story and tuck in (if you have kids) with all three partners.

Tend Your Relationships

All of your relationships need tending, and if you haven’t done the math, here’s a breakdown of your relationships and the hierarchy they should be in:

1. Your relationship to yourself  – This one is the most important! You must take care of yourself first, and really understand your own needs and wants. Take care of your heart, your mind, and your body so that you will be a well-oiled love machine.

2. Your relationship to your children. If you have kids, they come next. Some would argue that the adult relationships come first, but I think that’s bullshit. Our kids rely on us wholly, so we owe it to them to be as close to the top of the ladder as possible.

3. Your partners’ relationship to your children. This needs to be strong if your poly family is all under one roof. Some poly parents keep their adult relationships at a distance from their kids, but if you are aiming to be one big happy poly family (like us) you must make sure your partners are getting their own quality time with the kids, and that you’re helping to strengthen their relationships with your support.

4 (a & b) Your relationship to each of your partners. You signed up to love more than one person, so you need to make sure you’re doing that in a fair, balanced way. Be careful not to get too caught up in the glow of a new relationship and thereby neglect your more mature relationship with your first partner. One of those relationships may feel like more work than the other, but I promise you that balance will shift back and forth, so you need to make sure you’re tending both.

5. Your partners’ relationship to each other. True, it’s not your responsibility to manage your partners’ relationship with one another, but it is important that you are clear about how important their good relationship is to you. Remind them that you want them to enjoy each other’s company, buy them tickets to a movie or a game, offer to sit back while they go out and hang on a patio. Make sure they know that you want them both to get along. Don’t get in the middle of things if they don’t get along from time-to-time. This will give you ulcers and/or make you bald. Ask Daddy about that one. All you can do is be an ear, and let them know how you feel about their actions/words/behavior.

Be Okay with Being Selfish

Remember how hard it was to learn to appreciate each other’s needs when you were in the early stages with your first partner? Maybe you haven’t even really figured that out yet. Well, now you’re adding layer upon layer of complexity!

Nobody is going to know what you need and want unless you are comfortable asking for those things. You won’t be comfortable asking for anything until you are spending quality time understanding your own needs. You must not be afraid to speak your mind and ask for what you want, even if those needs and wants are really scary.

The three of us made the mistake of not clearly defining and expressing our needs and it led to huge, devastating imbalance in our lives. We aren’t always able to meet each other’s needs, but at least if we know what they are, we can work towards compromise and harmony.

Make Time to Talk

You need one-on-one time to talk with your partners about your relationships, but you also need to create safe emotional space where the three of you can talk with each other about these needs. Beware the mistake of trying to ‘shelter’ the other person from anything you deem threatening or negative. I think most of us would really just address any elephants who may wander into the bedroom rather than dance around them. They will stomp on your head if you try to ignore them.

Good luck with the adventures ahead, and thanks for reaching out. I hope I’ve helped, and I hope you can carve out some quality time where you can focus on all of the loves of your life, including you!

Kisses on your nose,

 

Playboy Mommy


Rain or Shine

Noah and I on a practice hike.

Noah and I on a practice hike.

Or, How to Guarantee an Interesting Tuesday

It’s 7:30 am and there’s a light gray cast to the day. Our POP is currently 50%, moving to 30% at 10:00 am when we are scheduled to begin our first hike with our summer hiking club. While you are reading this, hopefully sipping coffee (which reminds me, I must take some coffee with us!) I will be trekking with Hannu, Aylu and the Noodle. We’ll either be going along swimmingly, or we’ll be quite soggy. Either way, we’re sure to have an interesting couple of hours.

I’ve been practicing with my baby-carrying backpack, which is extraordinarily comfortable. It was purchased way back when Hannah was a babe made by Macpac, a New Zealand company. Nekky had to find a local importer back then, but now you can buy direct from their website, pretty much anywhere in the world.  I suspect out of all of our kids that Noodle will get the most use out of the carrier. I love hiking, and this pack is a dream, especially with my scoliosis – it doesn’t bother me a bit. Of course, around here my walks are 40 minutes at max, and today we’ll be out for two hours, if the girls can last that long. With all of their weekly ravine walks at their former school, I think they are likely to out pace me!

I think we’ll need to start with some yoga at home because I’m feeling really stiff this morning. They should be able to manage some sun salutations, and their new room has enough floor space for all three of us to easily enjoy some poses. That and a good breakfast should give us what we need to get a good start to our adventure.

Here’s what I’ve packed:

Two water bottles

Three granola bars

Two packs of baby rice cookies

A banana

*A thermos of coffee (MUST remember this!)

Rain coats and pants for the girls

Rain boots for the girls

Rain jacket and boots for me (alas, no pants, must locate a second-hand pair)

Rain jacket and pants for Noodle (what am I going to put on his feet??)

Natural insect repellent lotion (I’m frankly unsure that this works)

Kibio natural sunscreen (this is an excellent product, I can’t say enough about the stuff!)

Wet wipes

A spare diaper (it occurred to me that the only realistic place to change Noodle will be somewhere after the hike. I think I’ll coat him in diaper rash cream, just in case)

If I’ve forgotten anything, I guess we’ll have to deal. I’m going to encourage the girls to each search for one natural treasure for our nature table, and they will both work on a journal entry when we get home. I must dash off and get ready for the day! I will post some iPhone photos later on my Facebook page. I hope we don’t get those mighty Toronto rains, and I hope nobody needs to poop in the woods!


Mommy’s To-Do List – Week of July 8th

Mama S shot this amazing photo of Noodle and Hannah.

Mama S shot this amazing photo of Noodle and Hannah.

Another busy week begins! Our weekend fun continues with a Monday jam-packed with kid energy, and there’s lots of fun to be had this week.

Weekend Highlights

This weekend was a whirlwind of family fun. On Saturday we hosted some of Nekky’s family for a barbecue and a round of a game called “The Word Game”. The premise of this game is to take a large word and find as many other words from the letters of this word before the 15-minute timer goes off. Sounds like fun, right? Well it was, mostly, but it also turns out that a highlight of the game is watching Mama S and Bapa (Nekky’s dad) argue over the rules. They cleared the room after only the second round, but fortunately there was a lot of delicious food to distract everyone. We were celebrating Ia Fui’s (Nekky’s sister Nadia) birthday, and I’ll share more on that later this week, including menu highlights and family recipes.

As I’m typing the main floor of the house is alive with sound. That’s because Mama S’ sister Crystal arrived yesterday afternoon. She drove here from Texas with her three boys who are all under the age of five. It’s like a hurricane of cute and crazy in our home! The crew is staying until later today and then they are off to Barrie to see Mama S’ folks. I’ll be posting Crystal’s secrets for staying sane later this week, because I know there’s no way I could hold it all together as beautifully as she does.

 

VIP Tasks This Week

The Classroom

I’d say most of the house is in good shape now, and everything looks very settled in. Our classroom is piled high with boxes and it’s a bit of a minefield. I’d like to begin organizing and purging in there, and get the space ready for painting. I think we could use the classroom for some summer fun activities before we even begin our curriculum for the fall.

Summer Camp At Home

One of my favorite blogs, Simple Kids, featured an at-home nature camp curriculum. I think I’ll give it a whirl and plan some fun activities for the kids for the rest of the summer. We now have swimming lessons to look forward to at the end of this month, but it’s really nice to have some tricks up my sleeve when they run out of their own ideas for fun.

Work Day

I found a bus that runs from the nearby plaza to a stop that is a five-minute drive from my mother’s house! It’s a short trip – only twenty minutes – so now all we have to do is choose a day this week that works for us. I’ll spend half the day writing, and half the day working on home school curriculum and finishing those thank you cards from Noah’s baby shower and Bayah that need to get sent out!

Gluten Free Baking

I plan to hit the local Bulk Barn and see how many of the ingredients I can find for the Gluten Free all-purpose flour I’d like to try. My experiments in gluten-free baking should make for some hilarious writing. How many of you reading these posts eat gluten-free? Do you have any great recipes to share? Please do!

Personal Goals

This week I want to be mindful of spending quality time with the kids. They seem to really thrive when I’m conscious of spending some focused time with them each day. We start our hiking club on Tuesday, so that’s one really fun thing we can count on.

I’d also like to start shifting my focus back to my theatre company. In the whirlwind of moving and getting settled, it seems like a far-away memory, but we have a Halloween show to plan and get working on! I hope that inspiration will come once I turn my mind to the show because I’m feeling a little tapped now.

 

Things to Look Forward To

Hiking!

I haven’t been on a proper hike in years, and I can’t wait to go out with the kids on Tuesday. Hiking was such a huge part of my childhood. The hiking club has been arranged by one of the moms in our local homeschool group, and I really hope we have the chance to meet some of the other families. The girls want to go rain or shine, so I guess we’ll know who the real nature people are. I’ve got a kick-ass pack for Noodle, and I’ve been practice walking with it this week. It’s very comfortable and he usually settles in for a good nap.

City Time!

I’ve got to head back into town for an errand at the end of the week. I’m really hoping to connect with some of my city peeps. I’ve been craving a meal at Fresh, which is probably the best vegetarian restaurant I’ve ever eaten at. It will be nice to get back there and feel that crazy city energy again.

Thrifting!

I plan to hit the local thrift store this week because we have a large pile of stuff to donate. I think it will best for me to have a couple of hours there alone because I like to be so thorough in my searching for stuff that most people find it annoying to shop with me.

I have a feeling this will be one of the weeks that goes by in a flash, which can be fun, but also leave me feeling really tired if I’m not careful to take some down time too. How is your week shaping up? What’s the one thing you’re most looking forward to this week?

A Day of Rest

Sunday1

Hey gang!

It’s a busy weekend jam-packed with family fun that I can’t wait to share with you, but I’ve decided that on Sundays, I’ll take a day off from writing.

I’ll share a photo that inspires peace and tranquility, and hopefully inspire you to enjoy a restful, low-stress Sunday with your loved ones. Please tell us how you’ll spend your day relaxing and share your photos too!