Chrysalis Day Forty-Three

I believe it was Heavy D who said “Now that we’ve found love, what are we going to do with it?”

Nothing feels right and every possible avenue and scenario is fraught with complication, and as I continue to watch the days unfold all I can think in my heart is that we are here, together. We are meant to be here together. But how do we do it?

Like blind pilgrims we went in search of love in the most unlikely places, with only faith in the intensity of our emotion and the strength of our connection to guide us on our path. Despite the warnings. Despite convention.

And there is so much love here. So much.

My fears of being a liar, of not being enough, of not belonging, of not walking my true path have led to a path that is so winding and twisted that all light has vanished from my sight and I feel, quite simply, lost.

If I had a wish for Christmas it would be to banish all the pain, open our hearts to truth, and work together with love and open hearts to find healing.

I saw this today and it made me weep:

Kahlil Gibran on Love

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am in the heart of God.”
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.




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1 Comment

  1. Julie F
    December 24, 2010 / 11:28 am

    You are not a liar.

    Give beyond reason. Care beyond hope. Love without limit. Reach, stretch, and dream, in spite of your fears.

    You are enough.

    I thought of these lyrics immediately after reading your post.

    Merry Christmas darling. xo

    Fumbling Towards Ecstacy – Sarah Mclachlan

    All the fear has left me now
    I’m not frightened anymore
    It’s my heart that pounds beneath my flesh
    It’s my mouth that pushes out this breath

    And if I shed a tear I won’t cage it
    I won’t fear love
    And if I feel a rage I won’t deny it
    I won’t fear love

    Companion to our demons
    They will dance and we will play
    With chairs candles and clothes
    Making darkness in the day
    It will be easy to look in or out
    Upstream or down
    Without a thought

    And if I shed a tear I won’t cage it
    I won’t fear love
    And if I feel a rage I won’t deny it
    I won’t fear love

    Peace in the struggle to find peace
    Comfort on the way to comfort

    And if I shed a tear I won’t cage it
    I won’t fear love
    And if I feel a rage I won’t deny it
    I won’t fear love
    I won’t fear love
    I won’t fear love