Two weeks in this strange space where life has come to feel like a bad dream. Some things just simply won’t be possible, and living in a pressure cooker is one of those things. I cannot take care of everyone anymore, and I no longer intend to exhaust myself trying. I sat silent at the top of the stairs last night, and heard everything. In that everything were all the things I ever needed to hear, and anything I ever needed to know. We have all created this. We are all responsible for our reality. We must own and understand…

I remain at home, which is at once familiar and strange. Would that I could share the intricacies of my unique situation here with you all, but I simply cannot be so candid. Let us say that we are in transition, and I have no idea what any of this will lead to. My emotions are a mixture of many things, and I try to temper them all with compassion and patience, neither of which have come easily to me until now. Something has melted away in me, some deep anger that was never really mine. A black seed that…

I didn’t sleep very much last night. When I did, I had an intensely vivid dream. I was laying on a slab in a very dimly lit room. My blood was being transfused, fresh blood pumping through me by a machine. Several of my friends (work friends mostly) gathered around lovingly. They were so tender and caring. They kept bestowing gifts upon me, strange gifts – the power to predict the weather, the power to smell things like an animal would, the ability to see in the dark. In exchange for these gifts, they were draining my blood and drinking…

I believe that the feeling I had earlier taken for hope was in fact something akin to the calm before the storm. I am so, so sad because this place we are moving through is so strange and scary, and there is so much pain. I wish I could peel back my layers of flesh and finger-like ribcage so that my heart, uncovered by mortal stuff, could be seen. How I have loved and continue to love. I have so much love still to give, and I know I can be great at giving it. The great tragedy, of course,…

I’m seated at the large communal table at the biggest Starbucks I’ve ever seen. Today I shall challenge them and see how long I can linger here before they ask me to leave. My theory is that as long as I keep a cup beside me, they will not notice me for several hours. Let’s call it my office. My very noisy office filled with strangers. Against all reason, I feel good today. Calm, level, grounded. A bit sleepy, but like my cold has lifted.  I feel like perhaps, just maybe, everything might be okay. There is a couple seated…