I have a younger brother who is a 6’7 local celebrity in Hamilton both for his larger-than-life personality, and for his leonine honour. Like me, he’s a leo, and like me he thinks he’s fabulous. I hope his fans agree.
We haven’t always gotten along. As children, we became bitter rivals when we were pitted against each other by our Nanna, my third parent who lived with us. Things got ugly, as they do with siblings, and I regret not being a more supportive and loving sister during those formative years. As I recall, I was a heinous bitch. There may even have been a near-stabbing, but I digress.
My brother and I are very good friends now. In this not-so-subtle open letter, I will tell him I want to see him more often, and I will tell him I’d like him to see my kids more often. He’s usually one of the first people I consult about new business, new ideas, and personal dilemmas. I think I can say with confidence that he does the same with me.
Up until a week ago, my brother was ensconced in a five-year mostly on-again relationship with a woman who we were quite smitten with. I was waiting for a big announcement of one kind or another after they recently shacked up. At the time of this blog post, after my senses began to tingle (thanks to good ‘ole Facebook) and after my brother got curious, he is now a single man again.
We (the fam) were collectively surprised, saddened, and not surprised at all. Relationships, and people I guess, are funny that way. I promised Kyle I wouldn’t blog about this, but here I am. Gotta say my piece, and in a public forum no less. Please be advised, this piece is from my heart, with lots of love to ALL parties involved.
My brother isn’t perfect, and having lived with him myself, I know he’s not always easy. My own truly unique and often complicated domestic situation (see here for details, and yes that’s my boob) puts me in a position where I’m the last person on earth to judge anyone else’s romantic landscape. I felt real love for my brother’s now-ex, and I guess even now I can say that love is a battlefield, so if they ever wanted a clean slate, I’d try to clear my own slate dedicated to their relationship – if anyone gives a shit about what I think.
I just wish that people would leave the lying and hurting to the assholes that make news headlines. Evil bastards who completely fucking ruin my Monday morning, like these ones. The universe has enough cruelty in it, by its very fickle nature, and we don’t need to add to the dung heap by behaving badly.
I’ve done stupid shit to really hurt people who I truly love (Sarah, I’m looking at you here.) In cowardice and fear, when I couldn’t see a way to make all of the pieces fit together, I tried to tear apart my family with my pettiness and self-loathing. Thank fucking god for whichever forces aligned to prevent that from happening, because I went on to birth my son, and my eyes were opened.
Not everyone will get the chance to let an infant soul teach them about the true meaning of love, so we gotta pull up our socks sometimes and take the higher road, even if it’s scary. I should have walked away, admitting that I had no clue how to love my partners well, rather than act like a selfish cow. I should have headed straight to the therapists’ couch when shit got really complicated and faced whichever path presented itself with clarity and honesty.
We were lucky that we kept our family intact. We still carry the wounds of our selfishness, our fear, our lack of clarity, and our inability to speak our truths, but I think I can speak for all three of us when I say we are committed to working to heal those wounds each day, with each beautiful clean slate we get as we wake.
Love each other people, even if you can’t be in love anymore. Share your truth, your fear, your hurt. Make your mistakes meaningful. Learn from them, grow from them together or apart.
Our tiny light could be snuffed at any second. That is the only thing you can really count on. I’m thinking you’re gonna want to make sure your light is shining, and when it’s dim, it’s yours to re-kindle in whichever way you see fit.
More on the random cruelty of the universe, and a call to action for you my dear friends, in tomorrow’s post.