This past weekend, at a bridal shower, I bumped into an acquaintance who almost immediately told me she was upset that I haven’t been writing. I was flattered and surprised as I had no idea she read this blog. She’s an “avid reader”. Humbling, really.
I’ve been made to feel like perhaps it is inappropriate to share so much of myself in such a public format. I’ve been second-guessing the need for this blog in the first place, and wondering if it’s something I really need. For me, it has been primarily self-indulgent. A way of speaking into the universe and feeling a little less alone with the things that tumble around in my head. A way of chronicling my experience in the hopes that somewhere out there are other people who can relate.
I’ve missed this space, and I really don’t think I want to give it up.
The late winter brought some radical changes to my world. Our Owen Sound gig has heralded in a new era for Les Coquettes, with a future bright with performances at significant theatre venues across the province. I’m hard at work trying to shape this collective and book new opportunities for us.
I also lost two valuable friends, colleagues and collaborators along the way. I learned a heart-wrenching lesson in carefully mixing friendship and business and am reflecting now on how to better manage my working relationships.
My love and my baby each had a birthday and much celebrating and merriment was had. We throw amazing parties around here, and I’m thinking of sharing some of our party-planning secrets and recipes and perhaps making this more of a lifestyle blog than a journal. Maybe it could be both…
Last night I reconnected with some old friends who have just embarked on their own journey building a family. It was wonderful to spend time with them, and even more wonderful to see my little family in action. We all share a love of company and making new friends. The girls were dazzling in their energy and charm.
I’m so in love with the people in my home. We have a real abundance of opportunity and blessing, despite the challenges we face, and so much love. There’s a family at school who are dealing with one of the parents’ very, very serious illness. Their little ones are seven and four and we’re helping with childcare because our kids are all very close, and we’re lucky to be close to the school. The realities of their situation are hitting me very close. I find myself painfully regretting each grumpy moment, and wishing with all my heart that every second of my day could reflect the tremendous love I feel.
We haven’t been perfect. We’re far from it, but embracing that and understanding that and most of all accepting that seems to be our saving grace. We have our own limitations and struggles, but the challenges are minimal in the face of all that’s good here.
I want my family to share in the amazing love of my friends. I want us all to be really active parts of each others’ lives. I want my daughters to have a real connection to the people who are so important in my life.
We get busy. We get consumed by work and our own personal dramas, but I don’t really know what else there is beyond family and friendships when it boils down to what actually matters.
We have a guest room. We have a big kitchen. I’d like those rooms to be full as much as possible.