Cat Skinner Club

A Mother’s Day Letter to Myself

Dear Mama C,

This year, Mother’s Day marks the start of a new journey into motherhood. One you had never planned on taking, and one that is more than a little scary. I don’t need to tell you that you are not alone. Your own mother and father are in your corner, your brother is your greatest ally, and you have an army of superwomen (and the men who love them) who are there for anything you might need.

It’s going to be hard for a while. Your heart will need time to heal before you can feel your power again. You don’t have to be perfect. Those beautiful children seem to know how difficult this is, and they will understand your tears, and your exhaustion. They love you, and they will see your love for them shine through this (brief) period of darkness.

Mother's Day

You’ve brought so much beauty and fire to the lives of these three young souls. You haven’t been perfect, but they see how dedicated you are to growing, to learning how to be the very best parent you can be. If there’s a silver lining in any of this, it’s a chance to forge your own unique path with your children. Nobody else will be inserting themselves as you problem solve. Your kids will see you, and they will see you shine above all else.

I know you will handle this with grace. I know you’ll be the kind of mother that you wish to be. I know your kids will remark on how steady and capable you are. (Look how steady and capable you have been through all of this!) I know you’ll teach your daughters (and son) what it means to be a strong and truly independent woman who can take care of herself and still remain open to the possibilities the world has on offer.

Mother's Day

Remember how you used to fantasize about being a lone wolf, answering only to her pups? Well, the Universe works in funny ways. What will you do with this new reality? It’s time to trade in yoga pants for vintage slips and soft kimonos. This is your new stay-at-home-uniform. Don’t be tragic, be fabulous.

Sometimes brokenhearted lovers are left with nothing but memories and dreams that will never come into fruition. You get three glorious examples of how the love you’ve poured into the last nine years was absolutely worthwhile. Stay in that feeling, let the rest slide away.

You can do this. You were meant to do this, in exactly this way. It’s time to embrace this new path and move ahead in love and wisdom.

But don’t get out of bed until you absolutely have to today. You’ve earned it.

My Birth Story, Part One

This post has migrated from my previous blog, because I really feel it’s important to include here. It was written November 22, 2012, about a month after my son was born. He’s my third child, but my first biological child, and my first experience with a newborn because I met my daughters when they were three and a half and five years old. This moment really shaped the person I am today, in fact the entire experience of pregnancy felt like my gateway to self-love. I so enjoy reading these kinds of reflections from parents, and I hope you can connect with some of your own early parenting experience through reading my birth story. xo

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I Choose Khaleesi

I haven’t been online much lately because I’m trying to enjoy the summer and time with the family. As such, my inbox is filling with unread email, particularly posts from other blogs I follow. The other day I noticed a post with the heading “What Kind of Wife and Mother Do You Want to Be?” I thought about this for a while, and then it became obvious. I choose Khaleesi.

Before I go any further with this, you should know that I’m reading book two of A Song of Ice and Fire, and I’m caught up to the Game of Thrones series on HBO. In short, I don’t know how it ends, or what happens beyond the point I’ve reached on TV. Do not, under any circumstances, spoil this for me.

For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about – first, you’re missing out. Second, Khaleesi is a title bestowed to one of the characters in these books/TV show. Thus far, this character is on my top ten list of all time heroines. Why? Well, here’s a little Sunday morning list of the reasons, in no particular order, why Khaleesi is the type of wife and mother I want to be:

1. Soft Femininity 

Daenerys is a lady, or at least the kind of lady I imagine when someone describes a ‘lady’. She’s delicate, graceful, and feminine. I relate deeply to these so-called “traditional” qualities of femininity and believe firmly that they have a strength equal to more masculine traits.

2. Ferocity

Nobody gonna keep Khaleesi down. Dealt a brutal set of cards by the hands that wrought her, this gal keeps getting back up and killing it. It doesn’t hurt that she has a few lethal sidekicks, but she’ll even lay a beat down to them if they make the wrong move.

3. Grace 

I don’t mean the kind of grace that keeps her from bumping into doorways. I mean the kind that allows her to rule with compassion and listen to her heart. Whether she’s freeing slaves or banishing traitors, she’s always doing it with class.

4. Style

Khaleesi responds to the changing fashion demands of her quest by working the popular fashion trends to her advantage, with her own unique style. Baring breasts when required, rockin’ death bells in her killer braids, slapping on a bit of armour – I can’t wait to see what she’s wearing next.

5. Solitude 

This bad ass mother isn’t afraid to be alone. In fact, despite being constantly surrounded by people and servants, she seems to really grasp the fact that we come into and leave this coil all by ourselves. Her grasp of that concept really seems to help her appreciate the people she does have, who are loyal to her cause.

6. Smarts

Considering she’s been told what to do by her domineering older brother most of her life, Khaleesi seems to suffer no fools. She’ll ask for counsel when she needs it, but it’s crystal clear that all of her decisions are her own, and I usually want to applaud her brilliance. She seems to trust her intuition and her read of any given situation deeply. It must be nice to just feel that you’re making the right decision.

7. Family Values

All that Khaleesi does and has done is in the name of reclaiming her throne and restoring honour and glory to her family name. A lofty goal, and noble at that. Also, she’s fiercely protective of her children, who frankly don’t need her protection anymore. She wasn’t even tempted to sell them when offered scandalous sums of money in exchange for just one.

8. Sex Positivity

Upon realizing that she had limited knowledge of the ins and outs of bedroom activities, Khaleesi solicited the advice and tutoring of one of her trusted servant women. Oh to be a fly on the wall for those classes. She knew there was much happiness and power to be found in embracing and understanding her sexuality. Plus, who wouldn’t want to impress Khal Drogo with some mad bedroom skills?

9. Dragons

We all have ’em. Some of us were even lucky enough to be born in the year of the dragon. Khaleesi has dragons in the flesh, but all of us have an inner fire, bright as the brightest supernova burning deep inside of us. For most of us, great tragedy ignites the spark that really illuminates how much strength we truly have. I hope that’s not the case for you, but if it is, know that the light within you can shine through the darkest darkness. Especially if you can learn to keep your dragons close. Bad shit can happen if you let them get away from you.

10. Detachment

While not always a desirable quality, Khaleesi’s ability to transcend her emotional response and speak through difficult moments with clarity and composure is a skill I fear I may never master. If she’s throwing plates, she’s doing it in private. Would that I had such a switch to flick in certain moments.

Okay, now it’s your turn. Who are the famous wife and mother role models you most admire?

 

Motherhood Has Changed Me

Dear Cat,

I saw a recent post that said you had weaned your son. Congratulations! I’d love to hear your reflections on motherhood post breastfeeding. How do you feel that having a biological child has changed you? – Amy

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