Unplugged

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I’ve changed since we moved from the city to the country in July. Like many of you, I was completely glued to my iPhone, compulsively checking it to see what was happening on Facebook, and if any new email messages had come in. Now I actually hate checking my email. I find it overwhelming and annoying, and I just can’t be bothered with weeding through the sea of spam, newsletters, and forwarded content.

I usually park my phone somewhere for the day, and the ringer is nearly always off. I try to be prompt about returning calls and answering emails, but even this feels like a chore sometimes. Am I becoming a hermit? Perhaps, but I have noticed some real beauty blooming in the space that was once filled by my compulsive connection to my devices.

I’m reading again. For pleasure! I’ve read three novels since November. I use my down time in class for such soul-enriching activities like reading, writing (in my journal!), working on family scrapbooks, knitting, and sewing. It’s been so nice to take this time for myself, and I began to realize how much I missed engaging my imagination and creativity. It’s ironic that stepping away from my laptop might lead to a clearer path to reaching my writing goals, but I’ve realized how easy it is to get distracted and thoroughly bogged down by the Internet.

I realized something else too. It’s vitally important for my children to see me unplugged. We live in a home with media restrictions for our kids. They only get a limited and highly scrutinized amount of television time on the weekends, iPhone games are vetted by the parents and only reserved for long car trips, and only our eldest daughter has an email account, which she largely seems disinterested in. She’s ten. Let me tell you, children aren’t the only ones at risk of having their brains melted by screen time, but the adults in our house are nearly always plugged into something.

Other parents out there will know how impossible it feels to spend any time on yourself. I think I felt like my often mindless meandering through my inbox and the net was filling my “me time” quotient. That is, until I started filling that time with more physical activities, and quiet reflection, or engaging in reading an actual book. It feels richer, and calmer, and so much more rewarding.

Are any of you experiencing this? Surely any of you who are meeting the demands of small children will know that a shift away from the screen is necessary and life-altering.

Here’s how to decrease your screen time, and make more time for other pleasurable pursuits:

1. Streamline your inbox. I can only recommend Gmail, because I love it so much. I have filtered my inbox so that emails from certain addresses appear first as ‘Important’ and everything else gets prioritized at the bottom of the page. You can even send certain emails into smart folders that you categorize yourself. There are armloads of helpful tutorials on YouTube to maximize your Gmail experience.

2. Weed out your Subscriptions. This is an on-going pain in the ass, and I can’t sugar coat it I’m afraid. Once a week I sift through the epic amount of blog posts from other blogs, newsletters, spam, and advertising and I can usually find three or more to ‘unsubscribe’ from because the content has either become annoying or I’m just not interested anymore. You know that irritating process of deleting about twenty emails per day before you even open them? Weeding out will help skip this step.

3. Ask your friends/family to stop. Every one of us knows one or more people who are constantly sending irritating forwarded emails. I can think of a couple of my own contacts who fall into this category. They’ve now gone the way of the ‘boy who cried wolf’ – if they were emailing for help to bail them out of jail, they’d be stuck because I almost never open their emails anymore. Here’s a tip – it’s a lot less rude to say “I’d love to stay in touch, but I’d like to ask you to stop sending forwards. I’d rather hear about what’s going on with you!” then to flat out ignore their emails. Try it, you’ll see.

4. Brush up on your email etiquette. Now that I’ve discovered the freedom in stepping away from my computer, I try to only send concise, to-the-point, engaging emails. I don’t want to clog up anyone else’s inbox, and neither should you.

5. When time is precious, surf with purpose. Know what you are looking for on the Internet, and step away from the computer, or re-direct yourself if you find that you’re falling down the rabbit hole and getting distracted. It’s so easy to get off-task online – it’s like a candy store that knows exactly what you’re craving. Be aware that you’re being lured in, and be proactive so that your time can be spent the way you want it to.

6. Set time limits.  This one is nabbed from the fertile brain of Tim Ferris (who couldn’t do so many awesome things if he spent all his time in front of a screen) – check your email only at certain times during the day, and set a timer. Prioritize your responses and get to the rest next time. Tim even suggests you set an auto-reply message alerting people to the fact that you will only be checking your email during certain times, so that they begin to ease up on pressuring you for a response. It works. I swear by it.

As you look forward to the weekend, challenge yourself to cut down on screen time. Only read the blogs you love (like this one!), don’t be lured into losing hours of your life to a screen, enjoy the fresh air, a cozy fire, playing with your kids and just try to be more in the real, physical world. I can attest to this being a wonderful revelation.

(True Playboy Mommy confession: As I type this, my dear mother who is sitting with Noodle so I can have a writing day is playing with him on her iPad. He can completely use it on his own and he’s not yet 15 months old. We’ve given grandparents the right to utilize educational screen time to help manage wily kids. Let’s face it, we’re only human!)

A Letter to 2013

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Dear Last Year,

I suppose I should thank you for kicking my ass. I was getting a bit smug, and starting to take some pretty important things for granted (like mortality and economic security) but you sure showed me, didn’t you?

Thanks a lot for the heartbreaking brushes with fate, both direct and indirect. I had assumed I was done with watching dear relatives die of wasting illness, far before I thought their time should be up. I was also totally caught up in the delight of witnessing so many of my friends as they enjoyed stepping into parenthood. I completely counted on things humming along according to plan. My folly was assuming that plan was mine.

So, yes, I think I get it. My life, and the lives of everyone I love are the briefest whisper on the lips of the Universe. If I thought I could get lazy, or wait for another day to use the good china of my life, or spend more time on email than with my children, I have realized the heinous error of my ways.

If it seemed like my life in the heart of downtown Toronto was the most ideal way for me to be my most authentic self, I was really ass-backwards. Giving all of that up, pulling my kids out of expensive private school, saying goodbye to the leased Mercedes, and moving into the home of my in-loves on thirty acres in the heart of wine country was the kind of life implosion I needed most. Here I found a safe haven to hide from the rest of the volcanic action of the year, though the lava flow definitely burnt my ass.

But guess what? I’m still here. You’ve motivated me to work harder at living each day exactly the way I’d like to remember them if I’m lucky enough to get a few more years under my belt. The terror and triumph of watching my first bio-child grow into his first year of life has made me humble in the face of my own fragility. I’m compelled to offload anything and everything that is getting in the way of my greater plan – even some things I used to think I couldn’t live without.

The plan, dare I whisper it to your fickle ears Universe, is to see the world with our children over the course of the rest of our lives. Not week-long family vacations, but a great scheme that includes finding ways to work from mobile locations so that we can live wherever we deign to for six months each year.

I’ve lost enough to know what I need. I’ve gained enough to know what I’ve lost. I’ve cried enough to cherish each moment of happiness, and I am hell-bent on having stories that will ring clear and true long after I’m gone. May this life I am living be a vibrant testimony to the soul that dwells inside this body.

Starting today.

Yours truly,

Catherine Skinner

Creating a Space for Learning – Part 2

As promised, and long overdue, some photos of our homeschool classroom! You can see the ‘before’ photos at the bottom of this post from August. Thanks to all of the helping hands (Mamma S, Chacha, Nanna, and the girls) we’ve really got something special here! 

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Mamma S is the reigning queen of the chalkboard drawing. This is her first, Ayla’s Math Squirrels.

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This is some of the bounty from our first nature walk in September, which happened in our own backyard!

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Re-purposed baker’s racks from our Toronto kitchen provide open shelving, complete with Noah-friendly toys.

We started out with a communal table, but now thanks to Nana, each of the girls has their own proper desk and chair.

We started out with a communal table, but now thanks to Nana, each of the girls has their own proper desk and chair.

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Lunch on our first day of school. We invited the nursery school to join us.

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Our nature table for the month of September.

Time Away

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November is over. I’m very happy about that because it’s my least favourite month, and this year November was particularly dark. In fact, autumn in general has been coloured with so much loss and sorrow this year that I’m beginning to wonder if there is something about the shifting seasons that compels death not only in nature, but also in us inhabitants of mother earth.

You’ll have noticed that it’s been ages since I’ve written. I apologize if the posts you may have looked forward to haven’t been there, but I needed to withdraw and turn myself inside out a little bit. Since late August I’ve witnessed a remarkable amount of sorrow, loss, and grief and rather than sit before a computer screen, I’ve been compelled to spend more time with my children and my partners. I’ve just started to really miss writing here, and so my heart seems to be telling me that it’s time to return to writing.

Our dear friends lost their baby at seven months pregnant. I suppose I was foolish to think that such a shocking, staggering loss could never touch my inner circle. We have no such control over these things, do we? My heart was utterly broken by this, and these brave parents have been nothing but inspiring in the way they are moving through this life-changing event.

Those of you with pets will know that saying goodbye to a companion animal can be just as difficult as losing a human who you love and care for. My dear friends lost their sweet and noble dog, who had been their small creature to care for and nurture for years and years – I feel like this wonderful dog has been in their family all the time I’ve known them. They gave her such a wonderful life, and they adored her so completely.

My dear aunt Carmen, my fairy godmother, the cool, hip aunt that I idolized in my youth reached the end of her journey through cancer. She is my third aunt to die from this stupid disease and my mother’s fourth sibling to die from cancer. She too was incredibly brave, and positive, and like the dear friends mentioned above she was somehow able to find some light in such a dark turn of fate. My daughters and my Sarah and I sang at her exquisite memorial, at her request, and my heart found so much solace in the beauty of harmonizing with my beloved girls, and witnessing how their cherubic voices touched so many strangers. To live my life in the hopes of being remembered so passionately and beautifully by my friends and colleagues is now my goal.

Fate grips us and tears things apart just as much as it fills us and gives us such abundance. If these difficult lessons in feeling real gratitude and savouring each blessed moment weren’t enough, the universe sent some cruel irony my way in the form of the news of a somewhat distant colleague from the performing world. She chose to end her own life quite suddenly only a week ago.

The idea of suicide was one that filled me with scorn and contempt not long ago. It was hard to find compassion after watching so many people suffer because lives were ended/ing too soon. My older, more humble self shudders to imagine a day-to-day reality so painful that one must snuff out their own light to escape the bleakness of their lives.

It’s so fragile. We are so fragile.

All I can think to do in this landscape of so much love and so much light and so much loss is to gingerly make my way through each day. My sage therapist urges me to create the memories I want to have when I look back on my life, and I’m trying so hard to do this every day.

Please dear friends, take a moment, right now and breathe. Feel what it is to have the chance to draw breath, to move through space, to think and feel and hunger and love. Think of the challenges and hardships you face, and think of how many blessings you have to balance that.

This year, consider what you are giving rather than getting. We’re changing things up this year and trying to help the children value time and experience more than toys. Our plan is to spend Christmas on a beach somewhere, healing our hearts and indulging in the company of our little darlings. I hope you too can find meaningful ways to spend the season….

Fall Wardrobe Essentials

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I have a love/hate relationship with fall. The colours, the weather, and the fashion save me from sinking into the mire of painful personal associations with this season. The food, the harvest and the fact that both my baby boy and my eldest girl have autumn birthdays give me reason to look forward to the weeks ahead.

Something possessed me to donate most of my (admittedly kind of shoddy) fall wardrobe last year when I was pregnant, and so this year as I was looking for warmer clothing, I found myself coming up with very little. My new promise to be more thrifty required me to make some careful choices about where and how to acquire a new fall wardrobe. My seasonal blues spurred me into some serious retail therapy.

First, I took stock of what I had. The panic set in when I opened the Rubbermaid tub in the basement to search for something to wear to a baby-naming ceremony. I had nothing. Not one stitch of dressy fall clothing. I started from there. On the long car ride to the city to attend said ceremony, I shopped. My go-to place now is ThredUp, a very gently used clothing resource that currently only ships to the US. No big deal for me because we have a box at the UPS store in Niagara Falls, NY which is a short jaunt from where we currently live.

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I got twenty pieces consisting of dresses, tops and skirts for $290.00. A second visit and $250 later, I got some dressy fall clothes for the girls (three dresses each), seven work-appropriate and dressy tops for Mama S, and four sweaters and two pairs of pants for me. All of this stuff will look brand new because ThredUp is so particular about their quality control. For an additional $200 I rounded things out with a trip to good old Value Village. There I bought a full-length, mint condition, black wool Cole Haan coat for $17; a chocolate-brown Tory Burch sweater for $7; a long light beige cashmere Max Mara coat for $18; a couple of cardigans; an adorable pair of twill wide-legged denim like pants; a pair of brand new navy suede Nine West loafers that are like walking on pillows; a beautiful tunic dress, a couple of casual tops, and a hand-woven sweater. I think there were a couple more goodies in there, but I can’t think of what they are at the moment. Oh yes, three more tops for Mamma S.

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Now I have a LOT of fall clothes, and I spent a total of $740 between myself and three other people. Second-hand shopping requires patience, it’s true. I think it also speaks to a certain personality type – someone who loves color and texture and combing through a mountain of stuff to find treasure.

My search for excellent thrift stores has led me to the following excellent links:

trendtrunk.com – Canadian!
exching.com

And of course the old fall-backs:

Etsy.com
Ebay.com

Here’s my list of fall wardrobe basics:

Three dressy dresses
Three casual dresses
Two pairs of jeans, one skinny, one that could be dressed up
Two pairs of casual pants
Two pairs of dress pants
One blazer in a neutral color you will wear frequently
One crisp white button down, long-sleeved
Three blouses
Three skirts
One pencil skirt
One chambray shirt
One maxi skirt

Three pullover sweaters
Three cardigans
One lightweight casual jacket
One lightweight dressy jacket
One casual coat
One dressy coat
Two pairs of comfortable flats
Two pairs of heels
One pair of riding boots
Two pairs of dressy boots
One pair of booties
Several pairs of footed tights in neutral colors and interesting textures
One large autumn colored bag
Three fall scarves
One wooly infinity scarf

I’m sure that most people could survive on less, and of course I know I don’t need clothes to be happy, but I will be the first to freely admit that opening my closet every morning to a sea of rich autumn hues and cozy textures makes me smile. I love clothes, and I feel good about recycling. Now I just need to find somewhere to wear everything!

Here’s a link to my Fashion board on Pinterest for further inspiration:

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