If Today Is Your Birthday

(A post that should have been posted 1 hour and 38 minutes ago)
Set yourself targets that are a little bit higher and a little bit harder to reach than you are used to. Effort and enjoyment are closely connected. Don’t sit around waiting for someone to give to you what you are capable of getting for yourself.

This could also read:
A dear, new friend will save you from the after-effects of an awkward and rather depressing encounter with her gorgeous brother in tow, and the three of you will enjoy a saucy new patio in a burgeoning section of the GTA

or: An adorable stranger with mischevious eyes and tawny good looks will drive Nascar fast to have coffee with you, and then later get drunk and fall asleep when you try to booty call him for a bit of birthday icing on the cake you didn’t get.

The pre-dawn hours of your birthday will be spent with someone you’ve known of for eleven years, but are just only beginning to know, who you just want to put your hands on, and who made out with you in their car for a senior-high-school-year amount of time. Those were the best kisses you’ve had in about five years, and now you won’t rest until you’ve had more.

You’ll be offered a new job, and you’ll decide to take it because life is filled with forks, and spoons are for suckers.

You will realize with certain clarity that there are really only two people that you can see yourself dating right now, and you just aren’t sure what the process is because you’re a cereal monogamist, which is to say that you like your sexual relationships with milk and sometimes museli.

This is your first birthday in seven years where you have slept alone. It’s certainly wierd, but also ok, and to celebrate you will be a rebel and fall asleep with your makeup still on.

This year, this year ahead of you, this 32nd year ahead of you, will be the most grounded, self-assured, hopeful, and deeply loving year you’ve ever had. You have learned so much about life and love over this last big stretch, and your tenacity and bravery will pay off in rewarding career moves, lucrative opportunities to create art and celebrate all of the beautiful, talented people that you know, and you will finally meet a partner fierce enough to understand you and love you as deeply as you can love, who dreams of eating life with no utensils and raising fat, happy babies who either look like you, or feel like they could have been made by you. And the lump in your throat right now means you know that this horoscope was bang on. Happy Birthday.




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